Jersey Girl
by Forrest Grump
Gigli. One word, the most synonymous
with Turkey since Water World. Arguably the worst movie (mainstream) of this
millennium.
True, it is that the Affleck/Jlo thing signaled that the debacle that was this
movie was sure to fail on every level.
In many ways, especially in the press, Jersey Girl has been given a bad rap.
Yes, The Bennifer connection was fully responsible for this, but Jersey girl has
many things going for it. George Carlin is in it, and Kevin Smith directed it.
Two big plusses right there. Thirdly, the notorious Jlo exits the movie very
early.
So what we have here is an unfairly bad publicity movie that will struggle due
to unfair political reasons to make money. Alas no. This is not the case, there
was non good fight fought. This movie, on many levels was worse than
Gigli. This movie was spawned from Satan's ass!
There are many things that work in this movie. The two things that bring it down
are its predictable script, and Affleck.
There are not too many movies that can reach out and grab you with an original
script, but Kevin Smith, working without his dick and fart jokes here, is taking
stabs in the dark. There is no point of this movie in which you think that the
"arc" the main character goes through will end up anywhere but where it does. We
have wholly unrealistic relationships between people based extraordinarily scary
dating techniques. I will spoil nothing for you true masochists out there, but
the way Liv Tyler comes on to Affleck's character made me want to purchase a
gun.
Affleck, himself, is the number one offender. The scenes in which he is
emotional are literally laughable. He has a moment where he has a heart to
heart with his newborn daughter. He tries to cry. People in the theater, at this
very emotional moment of the film, were literally chuckling at this
horrifying performance. The man cannot be serious in a non action movie. He does
not have it in him, and his obviously canned emotions serve to bring down what
is the biggest turd yet of Kevin Smith's filmmaking career.
Kevin, your cinematography has always sucked, but we forgave you. You are as
funny as hell, but for the love of god do a comic book movie, or more Leonardo
movies, jeeeeezus, anything but this half assed attempt at pulling on my
heartstrings.
D; solid D
Carlin made me laugh, a couple of scenes made me chuckle. Shame on these people,
they ought to know better than to pull this kind of sham.