Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
:: Today's soundtrack: Sex Pistols "Pretty Vacant" ::
Do you know why they air info-mercials at 3am? It's because that part of your brain used in rational thinking has already gone to sleep even if the rest of you hasn't. At that time of night just about anything an overly-enthusiastic host is selling seems like a good idea and you wonder how you could have lived your life thus far with out one.
Holy cow! Those steak knives can cut through a steal I-beam!! Often have I had steal I-beams which I have wanted to cut but didn't know how! This is the answer to my prayers!! Where's the phone??
But thank goodness your body knows to compensate for the lack of rational thought by shutting down your hand-eye coordination as well, so dialing a phone has become quite the task.
Riing. Riiing. Thank you for calling Movie-Fone! Dammit!
Goodness knows what I would have ended up with in my home if it weren't for this. Elephant repellent, one of those things that you Velcro to your stomach and it vibrates, sell real-estate from home kit, 5 different home gyms, and a turkey capacity home rotisserie I imagine. Yes these things are ridiculous, but don't pretend you have never been right there next to me, watching TV at 3am and salivating at this new miracle of science that will melt way the flab, re-grow your ever so slightly noticeable shedded hair, keep hair from growing altogether in certain places, or overall just make you more appealing to everyone on Earth. And really, who wouldn't buy that?
William (slave to subliminals)
