Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
:: Today's soundtrack: The Who Chorus "Trim Up the Tree" ::
Alright, so I've gone on and on in the past about how great Halloween is, and its superiority to X-mas. This is not to say that I loathe X-mas. No, far from it. I enjoy X-mas as much as any Christian. I like putting up a tree and decorating it. I like getting together with friends and family and giving them gifts to let them know they are appreciated and that I'm thinking of them. It's all good, folks.
I have to say though, that ever since my childhood, one of the things I enjoy most about X-mas time is watching all those specials. Holy cow those old stop-motion ones? Classic. Having seen them every year for a couple decades, well I have some of the lines and definitely the songs trapped in my brain for eternity.
"He's Mister Heat Miser! He's Mister Sun!...."
There just is no removing it.
When Herbie (the gayest closeted elf ever) runs into Rudolph and the decide to "be independent together," and they sing the song about being a misfit? That was so awesome, man!
And the Burgermeister Meisterburger. "It's a difficult responsibility! When you're the number one law-maker, me!" Sure that special tried to give children explanations to the odd traditions surrounding X-mas, like stockings on the mantle, tree decorating and such, but come on. We adults know that stuff comes from trying to assimilate Christianity into Pagan cultures. But darn it, the songs, man, the songs! When your a kid a song can sell you anything.
And well if a song can sell you anything, then rhyming can down-right brain wash you. But when it comes to "How the Grinch Stole Christmas!" brain washing is fine by me.
Every Who down in Whoville liked
Christmas a lot
but the Grinch, who lived just North
of Whoville, did not.
I have to say that I like this one the best of all. Dr. Seuss, in his uncannily clever and non-preachy way, introduces children to the idea that X-mas does not have anything to do with presents or decorations and that X-mas will be there and special with or with out them. And come on, who doesn't get all weepy when his heart grows 3 sizes, breaks the heart-meter, gives him the strength of 10-Grinches-plus-2, he returns everything, and he, the Grinch, carves the roast beast? Someone with a heart of stone, that's who.
The only other not-religious-based special to try make X-mas not about presents and Santa, is probably The Charlie Brown Christmas. I really like this one, too. Not just because I'm a Peanuts fan, but it's not just geared to kids, I think. When Lucy tells Charlie Brown that she understands his holiday depression because she knows she'll never get what she really wants and what she really wants is real estate. Just the fact that it includes holiday depression makes it a little less for kids. Do 4 to 9 year-olds even know what real estate and depression are? Probably not. But when Charlie's younger sister Sally tells Santa in her letter that if the toys are too much, just send money "mostly tens and twenties," I'm sure they know.
Oh, don't act like I'm a weird idiot man-child for still watchin' my X-mas 'toons. You know you're right there with me. It's one of those fun yet bizarre holiday traditions I'll take to my grave.
William (triple-dog dares you)
