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Rants >> Rant 41

:: Today's soundtrack:  New Order "Regret" ::


It's too bad that in the course of my every day life that there are certain dramatic phrases I'll never get to use. You watch movies and stuff with these villains who get to say cool lines and you realize that you will never get to do the same.

I would love to be able to say things like "It would seem that Mr. Smith has outlived his usefulness" or even "You have to pay! All of humanity has to pay!" But alas, no. I will never be in a situation where such things would be called for. I had resolved myself to finding a time when I could have an exchange like:

"So, you expect me to talk?"
"No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die!"

But now it seems that my wish will never happen. I have settled for squeezing in some more flexible phrases into my every day affairs like using a microwave: "I place my dinner inside and it is cooked in minutes! What sorcery is THIS?!"

Oh, to be that outrageously dressed villain, in his I'm-going-to-take-over-the-world outfit made entirely out of string cheese or looking like Eric Roberts in the American Dr. Who movie or something equally ridiculous. To be able to sweep back a cape and demand privacy by bellowing "Leave us!" Yes, to be able to refer to someone as "meddlesome", "pitiful", "puny" or "inferior." To be able to hatch overly complicated schemes of death and destruction with such zingers as "now say goodbye to all of this... and hello... to oblivion!" or even "now, foolish mortals, cower before my might!"

But, once again, no. Realistically, I will not have the chance to do or say such things. My string cheese is strictly for eating, and people around me are not referred to as "humans" or "mortals". Well, I suppose there's no use complaining about something you can't change.... or can I? Mwahahahaha!

William (pitiful human)

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