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Rants >> Rant 243

:: Today's soundtrack: Tom Lehrer "We Will All Go Together When We Go" ::


Since I am the really weird, introverted, antisocial, hermitty-type, I sometimes think about what it would be like if I were the last man on Earth. And I mean this in the last man on Earth as if the world ended not by zombie apocalypse (I know, I know, what are the chances of THAT?) and also not in the Vincent Price Last Man on Earth constantly plagued by mutant vampire beasts either. I'm talking about a monster free apocalypse here. I mean, if I were the last man on Earth if the world ended by Captain Trips or something.

If everyone were to just suddenly and unexpectedly die of the government engineered superflu, I'd like to think I'd be able to survive just fine. In all of my usual post-apocalyptic scenarios I'm being hunted by the undead, and I'd like to think I'd survive for a while. Without the constant threat, survival should be no problem. And yeah, I know that if I survived there would probably be other people who did as well, somewhere out there. But we'd be scattered vast distances apart that realistically, I doubt I'd ever be aware of them. Come on, without the supernatural aspects of The Stand to guide them, re: dreams about a long hair sporting, tight blue jean wearing Jamey Sheridan telling them to travel to Las Vegas, those folks would have little inspiration to go on a cross-country trek.

One of my first concerns is naturally electricity. Using it to power heaters and refrigeration for food would be a big plus. There are two hydroelectric stations in my area, but I have no idea how that works. I imagine that these things are pretty well automated these days, so the deaths of the usual workers should not be much of a hindrance, but do they even send their electricity here or is it sent along elsewhere? For all I know the electricity in my city could be from fifty miles away. Assuming that my electricity would be from my local power stations, almost everything else would be smooth sailing. I'd probably use good ol' Vincent Price as a model and get a city map so that I could mark it off after I routinely go through every building for supplies and, you know, bodies for the pile. Can't just leave those festering corpses lying around. What? There's nothing I can do for them now; they're all dead of the superflu. Oh sure, it'd be kinda weird and disconcerting when I got to the people I knew, liked, or was related to in some way. But those bodies have to go on the burning pile. Can't have them attracting wild animals and never mind about the smell. Best to methodically round up the dead and set them ablaze some where relatively far off and safe, so the fire won't spread (and yeah, no zombies in this apocalypse so I don't have to worry about their ashes seeding the rain clouds to bring forth the living dead en masse, capice?). With electricity and a steady raid of local houses, not to mention supermarkets, I should be set on food supplies for the near future, so now it is time to think long term. These goods will be able to sustain me while I work out growing my own food. I am in a pretty decent location for this as there are farms not too far away from me, and provided some livestock is able to survive Captain Trips (unlike say dogs), it looks pretty good. Some things like corn seem like they'd be pretty easy to grow and maintain, and some stuff like rhubarb, apples and strawberries and such even grow wild so hopefully those would be pretty low maintenance once I got them going as well. The main issue with where I live is the harsh winter, which is why electricity would be so crucial. Being able to keep foods frozen would be key to having foods harvested in summer stay fresh enough to eat months later.

With electricity and a steady food supply, you'd think I'd be all set. I'd still be able to watch movies and read books. But I fear even being an introverted loner, that I'd still wind up going insane eventually. In nearly every book and movie about a man trapped in a world alone, he will go insane to some degree. Evidently, it is unavoidable. I wonder what brand of insanity I would succumb to? I'd probably start talking to myself quite a lot. Yeah, I'd probably wind up like Tom Hanks in Castaway, talking to an inanimate object and imagining his reply. What crazy stuff would my volleyball stand-in get me to do? Would I survive the superflu only to fall victim to my own craziness? Man, that is what's going to happen, isn't it? I'll finally be left alone and I'll go nuts and wind up killing myself in some bizarre way. Damn. DamndamndamnDAMN! Well, so much for that plan. Why do I even think of this weird stuff, I ask you?

William the Bloody (survivor)

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