Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
:: Today's soundtrack: She Wants Revenge "Black Liner Run" ::
So, I was reading the latest edition of Awake! this morning... You know Awake! magazine? That Jehovah's Witness periodical that isn't the Watchtower? Yeah, I was reading it. I must have missed the Witnesses, but they were nice enough to leave me this lovely reading material on my doorstep. ANYway, I was reading Awake!, and boy am I glad I did!
It SEEMS as though all this use of the internet and cellphones will be the downfall of humanity. Well, I've been saying that for years, but for an entirely different reason. I think that all of this technology can only lead to the rise of the machines, and then your iPods will be whipping your backsides while forcing us all all to perform hard labour. That's MY reason. The Jehovah's Witness reason is that it will cause the MORAL downfall of humanity. Bit of a difference.
See, apparently, the young people of today are using something called "the internet." I don't know, maybe you've heard of it. Al Gore, Bill Gates and I invented it over a weekend about fifteen years ago. It's been in a few papers. This "internet" thingie can do stuff to the youths of the world I was hardly aware of!
There are these "websites" that teenagers can create and enhance it with photos, videos and journals and be a part of a "social network" you see. Well, having one of these so-called "websites" as part of a so-called "social network" is just an open door for sexual predators to take advantage of our innocent young people!! Apparently, if you are NOT a teenager, but engage in SOCIAL INTERCOURSE with a teenager, you are fiercely preying upon them and their innocence!! That's right people, me, as an almost thirty year old who regularly trolls the internet, am doing so in order to STEAL THE VIRGINITY OF YOUR CHILDREN!!! I had no idea that's why I found the internet so enticing!
Also, according to this Awake! article, did you KNOW that about one-third of boys and girls between the ages 15 and 17 have had SEXUAL INTERCOURSE (shock!!!!)? If this article has anything to say about it (and it does) the growing use of technology is CLEARLY to blame. This whole deal with "instant messaging" and something called "texting" makes arranging a clandestine meeting so easy, there is just no reason NOT to do it! That's right, no teenagers ever had sex before all this technology came along! How could we have possibly foreseen that creating a network so that universities could share information would lead to a world where teens have sex??
That's why as the founder of The First Church of the Lego, I strive to bring humanity back to its pre-technological roots. A pure and simple world of building blocks with interlocking pegs in them. A world free of the hardcore lust of the text message and the whorishness of the MySpace page! So, chuck that mobile phone in the rubbish bin and join me in the holy art of Lego pirate ship building.
William (internet pr0n star)
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