Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
:: Today's soundtrack: Rob Zombie "Scum of the Earth" ::
The past couple of months I've been getting asked the same question from various people I know: "Why aren't you on MySpace?" I am now going to answer you all at once so you can quit asking. First off, the two word response: FUCK. YOU. Secondly, no thanks, I have a REAL website, okay? Still not sold as to why I would DARE to oppose this behemoth online "community" millions have embraced? Read on.
Pro MySpace argument: MySpace has allowed me to reconnect
with people from my school days that I never thought I'd hear from again!
Me: So what? I can only think of MAYBE two or three people from my school days
I'm even remotely curious about and if I really wanted to track them down, I
would have already. I imagine that if I had a MySpace page, I would attract all
of the undesirables that I hated from all those years ago like Oprah to a baked
ham. For more related info, read my old rant,
High School Anxiety.
Pro MySpace argument: All of my fave bands are on MySpace and
now I get bulletins on new shows, albums, etc!!
Me: What's your point? If I want that sort of news I go the band's official
website! Gasp! What a concept! If I want to know about the Misfits latest tour
dates, guess what? It's on theMisfits.com!! I can also sign up to be on their
e-mail list! No MySpace needed.
Pro MySpace argument: It's given me the opportunity to find
people with similar interests and interact with them!
Me: Been there, done that! That's NOT strictly a MySpace concept, you know! I
once poked into a MySpace Cure forum just to see, and you know, there WERE
intelligent people in there, but if I wanted an online Cure community, don't you
think I'd go for the original and official one at theCure.com? Where else to
meet GENUINE Cure fans than at the official Cure site?? I'm just saying, MySpace
is late to THAT party. If I want to find comic book geeks, there are already
LOADS of forums and chat rooms available and the same goes for any topic,
really! It's called Google. Try it. You'll find stuff.
STILL not convinced?
MySpace does nothing more than allow more people who have nothing to say a big forum to say it in. Okay, not EVERYONE on MySpace is a vapid 14 year old girl who blogs about how "OMG I hope Josh calls me 2nite!!!1111" but unfortunately the ninnies out number the intelligent, interesting people by 200 to 1.
All of those people who have music players on the MySpace page are hindering idiots. Seriously, it has been one of the cardinal rules of web site creation for years NOT to have music that auto-plays, but MySpace provides players which do just that! Nine times out of ten, when I'm on the internet I'm ALREADY listening to music and good gravy is it annoying to have it drowned out by those idiotic MySpace players which seem to broadcast 20 percent LOUDER than my own music! Unless you're a band promoting your own work, you have no justifiable reason for your player. I'm giving you your warning now: I am going to punch every single one of you square in the crotch. Three down, several million to go....
Having "friends" on MySpace does nothing but permit people to send you messages about nothing important (re: here's a sparkly picture that says "you're my best friend!!") and clog your "bulletins" bin with stupid things like "the alphabet of me" which is in no way definable as a bulletin. Yes, we're all glad that you're A is for artistic and B is for beautiful on the inside and C is for cat lover and D is for... need I go on? This is the sort of stuff you should have on your OWN page, not sending it on needlessly to others. You know, like when people have their own REAL website they have sections dedicated to that sort of stuff about themselves so that IF we want to know we can go looking for it, not have it thrust upon us for no reason. I don't know how you MySpace people work, but to me, if I have something I want to tell people, I E-MAIL it to them! You do remember e-mail, right? Well, it's still alive and kicking!
Also, these "friends" more often than not turn out to be self-whores. They're only interested in being added to your friends list JUST so they can 1) look cool by have a large friend list 2) hopefully get MORE friends through you 3) feel self important by sending out mindless bulletins to all her friends and leaving lame-ass comments all over the damn place. It's nothing more than validating the popularity status they have of themselves in their mind.
There you have it. I have no use for MySpace. The internet already provides individual outlets for all of my needs, all MySpace does is clump everything together into a vastly confusing one-stop-shop for everything which is unnecessary and overwhelming. It's the Wal-mart of the internet. Yes it gives you everything you need in one spot AND it's cheap as free, but remember, you get what you pay for. MySpace is pointless and the devil. I know I am alone in this, but I will stand firm and remain true to my beliefs, dammit!
William (one voice against the millions)
comments powered by Disqus