Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
:: Today's soundtrack: Monaco "What Do You Want From Me?" ::
I'm eating Frosted Flakes one morning for breakfast, right, and I go to tidy up afterwards, put my dishes in the sink and put the milk and cereal box away when something occurs to me: The Frosted Flakes DO NOT go in the refrigerator and the milk DOES NOT go in the cupboard! Of course, this thought only comes to me when I'm trying to wedge the cereal box in the refrigerator door and I'm wondering why it won't fit... This is what many people would refer to as a "brain fart" and they seem to be happening to me at a terrifyingly increased rate lately.
Most of the time, I make myself a little mental list, forget half of it, but still think I did it anyway. Example: Say I'm upstairs, and I tell myself, "okay, before going downstairs, remember to grab that book you said you'd loan out, go to the bathroom to bring more toilet paper to the downstairs one, and the broom you left on the upstairs porch." I get the book because it's in the room with me, broom since the porch is right there, and then I walk into the bathroom and think... what the hell did I come in HERE for? So, I stand there blinking blankly for about five minutes, inducing a stroke on my mental journey to recall exactly why I wandered into this room before determining it must have been nothing. I venture downstairs, put the broom in the utility closet and leave the book on the counter so I won't forget when I see the friend I promised it to next, and go about my day. Eight hours later, a voice bellows out from the downstairs bathroom, furious that there is no paper. "Did you check the cabinet right in front of you? I put some in there earlier." "Yes of course, I looked there! It is officially bereft of toilet paper. You're damn lucky there were some paper towels in there, you bastard, or else you'd have been awoken suddenly and unexpectedly in a great deal of pain tonight." After the bathroom has been vacated, I go to look in the cabinet myself, unbelieving that I hadn't stashed some rolls in there earlier, as I clearly remembered making the mental list to do so. Lo and behold, not a roll in site. Confused, I return to the upstairs bathroom, and it is only at that time do I recall my previous five minute stupor of not knowing what I needed in there and metaphorically kick myself.
What on earth is going on in between my synapses? Why is this happening? Usually, not even that much time has elapsed betwixt my deciding on an action and executing it, like "get up, go to the video rack and put in Evil Dead 2." By the time I get to the video rack, I've forgotten what I was going to do, and that's like five paces! I'm not even thirty, so isn't it a tad early for this sort of thing? Should I be taking medication? Am I going to die soon? What is it trying to tell us?! For the love of Jebus, whaaaaat?!
William (brain dead)
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