:: Today's soundtrack: Monty Python "Spam" ::
Spam. We all get it in our in boxes, but who actually opens it and looks at it? Naturally, when I started to note the signs that an e-mail was probably some solicitation of one sort or another, I merely selected it and clicked on the 'delete' button. One day, I got curious and actually looked some over. Underneath the notices for discount drugs, marked down software, and brand name wrist watches---cheap!! I spied something odd. I copied and pasted this from an actual spam (selling me what, I have no idea):
Wasn't Dick missing talking on the street?.
Does Joe hate laughing over there?.
Okay, um. What? Strangely enough, my interest was piqued and I continued to check other spams which had similar messages:
Is the scientist missing praying?.
Don't you regret eating about once a week?.
Once again: huh? That's it. The whole message, at the bottom of the spam. The above came from a mail trying to get me to consolidate my debt, and then came these two lines, with no explanation or reason. Is this some sort of crazy computer generated haiku or something? Then, when I started getting used to these weird communiqués, there came others which took it even further:
completely hemmed him in, and was always ready with so
many new retirement of the house made almost sacred to me by her presence,
think what an inconvenience he would be when he was an old man. Barkis and
myself had quite a gossip while you were out with Dick.
that house - and flinging open the door of Mr. Wickfields former passed. Such is
the Bench in my chequered career.
So, what does this have to do with the drugs that are supposed to make me feel and look twenty years younger that you're trying to sell me? Nothing, that's what. What, then, does it all mean?? Some ideas...
One, it's completely random computer spewage and means nothing. Ignore it (but what fun would that be, honestly?).
Perhaps, it is someone's creative writing assignment gone awry and spread to the masses the only way they knew how, via the author's semi-legal spamming. Maybe someone out there is trying to make randomness beautiful by creating sort-of stories that sound like they could almost make sense, but don't? What of these are someone's attempt at real abstract poetry looking for recognition? But then, this is giving it all waaaay too much credit...
And so it hits me: that's brilliant! What better way to disguise the brainwashing sleeper code words than in these seemingly gibberish blurbs? What sort of insidious secrets are being communicated via my e-mail? And long how do I have before my will is sapped out from me by some sort of evil communist-nazi supergroup seeking to turn society as we know into an exploding --er-- explosion of chaos, death, madness, destruction and eventual apocalypse leaving it ripe for a charismatic devil to conquer the trembling masses? Will I be among the drooling, lobotomized, lumbering foot soldiers of doom who cause the mess because I've chosen to actually read my spam? Who, of you out there reading this, will soon find yourself cowering underneath my soulless gaze as I raise a cricket bat over my head to administer a lethal blow for my relentless, free-will smiting overlords? Or, perhaps, in my ignorance, I've now exposed all of you to that very same subliminal message and you as well will soon find yourselves heeding the call to a faceless Cobra Commander-esque tyrant who wishes to dominate us all with a reign of terror induced by enslaving our minds to repress all other voices? Sorry, then. My bad.
William (fear the spam!)
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