Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
::Today's soundtrack: Avenue Q "The Internet is for Porn" ::
Rule 34. Yep, all I have to do is say that and several of you started screaming. For those of you haven't heard of the horrifying attributes of Rule 34, you are lucky. I will give a brief explanation for those who are now curious, but if you value your innocence and wish to keep the virginity of your eyes and mind (as well as your very sanity), then I urge you to look away now. Return to this site next week when a new subject is being discussed. The text from now on is for those who choose to proceed of their own free will. Rule 34 is a rule that applies to searching the internet. This rule states that "if you can imagine it, then there is porn of it somewhere." I suppose a footnote to this rule would be that if you actually were looking for something and DIDN'T find it, as soon as someone finds out you're looking for it, it shall exist. This goes for all fictional characters you can think of as well as celebrities and whatever else. Yes, there IS Purple Pie Man from Strawberry Shortcake having a threeway with She-Ra Princess of Power and Gargamel from the Smurfs. And if there wasn't, well there is now. Trust me. Give it an hour and it'll be there. And you can blame me for suggesting to the internet that we all wanted to see that when I'm pretty sure 99.9% of us didn't.
Now I have said in the past that I'm perfectly fine with whatever sexual fantasies and fetishes people have. Whatever floats your boat, right? If you get sexually excited by someone wearing a blue, fuzzy kitty outfit with a strap-on over it, then okay, go have fun with that. It's your party. The thing about Rule 34 that I find a little disturbing (and maybe "disturbing" isn't even the correct word, but that's all I can think of right now) is that there are people out there who actually took the time to draw some of these insane sexually pairings. Now, I'm a guy who likes to draw, but it never once occurred to me to render Kim Possible taking it up the ass from Johnny Quest while dressed in full bondage gear. And not only draw this, but then upload it to the internets for all the world to see. I know, call me kooky like that. So, I guess to me, the difference between having your fetish and Rule 34 is that someone took the idea of the fetish and drew it. For some reason I think this is a weird thing to do. Also, just the fact that Rule 34 exists means that some people have taken it as a challenge and are now drawing the most twisted sexual things you could ever comprehend on your most sickest day of your life JUST BECAUSE. Does somebody REALLY NEED to fill the Penny from Inspector Gadget pedophile niche? Answer: Rule 34 said, "yes"!
Another odd thing about Rule 34 is that it has spawned a multitude of illustrated porn websites (one of them is probably actually called "rule34" I'll bet). I know this because whenever I'm looking on Google images for reference pictures fan rendered porn usually pops up in the mix. Most recently when I did searches for "Demona+Gargoyles" in order to get points of reference for my Demona illustration. Look at that: in the top 5 image results are Gargoyles characters Bronx raping Angela. In the top 20, Demona is apparently having "relations" with Ash from Pokemon. Seriously. Somebody drew that. I'd also wager that because these porn sites exist, that some of them cost people money, as many porn sites do. This means that people are willing to pay cash monies to look at sexy drawings of who-knows-what. Hm. Maybe I'm the one who is weird. Maybe in order for me to finally become a full-time paid illustrator I should be whoring myself out to draw these weird sex images. You want Rainbow Brite taking it two ways with Care Bears? That'll be 200 USD. On second thought.... no. No amount of money could make me want to draw Care Bear cock and balls. Do you hear me? NO AMOUNT.
All this being said, it has finally come around to the point where Rule 34 is being successfully parodied. The constant subheader to Rule 34 is "no exceptions." People have taken this to the extreme in the effort to mock the rule by creating "porn" with weird objects like a triangle having sex with another triangle, the continent of Africa fucking the continent of South America, a faucet screwing a mobile phone... whatever. Like they say.... if you can think it, there is porn (no exceptions!) and it's getting pretty hilarious. I double-dog dare you to Google image search "Rule 34" and I guarantee that what comes up will either make you laugh or vomit. Is this a chance you're willing to take? Rule 34 said, "yes"!!
William the Bloody (amazed and possibly sickened)
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