Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
:: Today's soundtrack: Gravity Kills "Personal Jesus" ::
So an online friend of mine posted one of those "you know you're Asian when..." things on her online journal. You see this sort of dealie all over the place on this here inter-ma-net, for everything from "you know you're goth" to "you know you watch too much anime." However, this Asian themed one got me to think about my own ethnicity and how there would never ever in the history of the omniverse be a "you know you're descended from dirty French-Canadians when..." one of these. Well, on the slight nudging of the aforementioned Friend, I present just that.... with my sincerest apologies for the limited scope of audience appeal.
You Know You're Descended From Dirty French-Canadians When...
You have at some point in your life uttered "mon dieu."
Instead of saying "three," your family members say "tree."
If you ever have to explain to someone how to do something, you are given a wide berth because your hands are flying all over the place. In fact, you have occasionally knocked things over just because you were standing to close while talking.
You know what a "tuk" ("toque"?) is and what it's for.
You may not speak French fluently, but if your mother tells you to do something in it, you may not know what she says, but you know what you're supposed to do.
Your family watches hockey more than football.
If someone mentions the next Canadiens vs Bruins hockey match, you're Canadiens all the way!
You understand curling.
Your family members often end sentences with "there" for no reason and pronounce it "dere."
A trip back to the "motherland" involves at least a detour to the Sherbrook red light district.
Your mother has a Chicken Cordon Bleu recipe.
You know what "chicken cordon bleu" means.
People in your family have been known to say "close the light" when they mean "turn off the light."
You know at least one verse of "Allouette," "Fait Do-Do," and/or "Sur La Pont D'Avignon."
You or a relative has a hyphenated first name. re: Jean-Paul, Marie-Claire, etc.
You know how to properly roll your "R's."
You have either referred to someone or been referred to as "mon petit chou" or "chou-chou." (It's pronounced "shoo" by the way)
You know what a "chou" is and wonder why anyone would ever be called that.
You had a Mémère and a Pépère.
You had a Ma Tante and a Mon Oncle.
You can properly pronounce surnames like Leveille, L'Heureux, Baillageron, Chaloux, Ouellette, and Giroux.
You may not know French, but you know the swears.
This is mostly due to the fact that when your parents got REALLY mad at you, you reduced them to French obscenities.
Someone in your family has at one point been employed as a lumberjack within the last century.
You grew up watching Sesame Street on the CBC.
And there you have it, kids. The newly compiled "you know you're.... if..." made just for us, the dirty French-Canadians! Yeah I know like one percent of you reading this are actually of French-Canadian descent and will get it, everyone else, well, I hope you get a good laugh at our expense.
William (je ne comprend pas; je suis tres stupide)
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