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Rants >> Rant 262

::Today's soundtrack: Cake "The Distance" ::


When I watch one of those talent show audition type television programs, do you know what bugs me (Other than the program itself, I mean. And the fact that I find myself watching them from time to time. I need a life or join a gang or something)? It's how oftentimes people wind up advancing in the competition not because of their talent.

I recall the second season of Last Comic Standing. They had a panel of celebrity comedian judges vote on which contestants were funny enough to be semi-finalists. When certain contestants who were very funny and earned themselves votes from these celebrities to proceed to the semi-finals were omitted from the next round in favour of less funny participants, they asked the network people what was going on. It turned out, the network producers where only using the celebrity decisions as suggestions and were in fact advancing contestants to the semi-finals not based on funniness, but whether of not they would be interesting to watch in a group living situation. I remember particularly that celebrity judge Drew Carey was outraged that the network got to trade on his name to bolster their show and yet his vote counted as nothing to them. He and the other celebrity comics voted based on the funniest, most talented comedian but the network wanted weird, quirky and volatile people with clashing personalities to live in their group home for the remainder of the competition and overruled the judges they themselves had appointed. As a viewer, I was also outraged, as I shared the celebrity judges' opinions that the funniest people should progress in a contest about being funny. That's why I was watching the show, you know. To see who was funny win.

Also, whatever the show is, America's Got Talent, American Idol, Last Comic Standing, or whatever, before these people take the stage and they talk to the camera, or even on the stage telling the judges about their life, it shouldn't happen. These shows are whether or not you're any good at what you're about to do. I don't care if five year old Timmy is autistic and he communicates through singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." Yes, yes, very heart warming, but I'm more concerned with the fact that he sings terribly. But, the idiots across this country are going to clog up the phone lines because Timmy is adorable and autistic and NOT because he is a good singer. I don't CARE that you lived in a car for five years and survived cancer. You're an American soldier who just got back from Iraq, but this does not mean your ventriloquism is any good. Your great uncle died in the Hurricane Katrina disaster, but this has nothing to do with your breakdancing. All of this personal information crap is irrelevant, or SHOULD be irrelevant, when it comes to judging someone on their skills. All of this background information clouds the judgment of the general public into phoning in votes for someone who is otherwise mediocre at best and they should put a stop to it. In a singing competition, the best singer should win, right? Just as the best dancer in a dance contest, the funniest comedian in a stand-up comic competition. The contestant with the best skills should win, not the one with the best sob story! Oh, you had to work three jobs to put your five kids through university but now you're finally going to give your own dreams a chance with this contest?! Awwwww.  That's admirable, it really is, but making people feel sorry for you does not mean you are talented, and wouldn't you rather earn votes because you are the best there is than because you made them feel sorry for you? Doesn't a victory mean more if you truly earned it on merit instead of through guilt?

I would shudder to think that if backstage on other programs like So You Think You Can Dance or America's Got Talent if the judges reviewed their contestants and advanced them based on looks or backstory. "Yes, this scrawny, pimply boy is the best guitarist of the whole lot, but let's look at this girl. She's blonde, slender, attractive and was beaten up by her step-father and is looking to make her way with this show. People would want to watch her because she's cute and has a sad story, not this skinny bloke who can actually carry a tune but is ugly. He even has a good, supportive family in middle class America! Why did he even try out with a happy life like that?" But then, I could have it wrong. it could be that they only choose to broadcast a contestant's story if the network people find it heart-warming and gloss over the ones which are typical. Which, as I said above, is unfair because stupid Americans who can vote from home are more likely to vote for someone with a heartbreaking background over one they know nothing about, regardless of who actually has the talent. Do you know what I do? Every time one of these programs is merely looking as though it is about to feed me a contestant's sad cancer story, I turn the channel. I literally am not interested in what they had to overcome in order to compete. I only want to see the competing. Imagine that, a competition show where all they show is the competition and not some group of girls or a middle-aged housewife blubbering to the camera every 5 minutes!

So, do hear me network executive people?! Let's keep the camera on where the actual action is and not where the whining and crying is. Let's have the best, most qualified person (or persons) win the contest and not the one with the most pity votes because of a backstage interview. If the winner actually did have a sad life and a sob story to tell, they can tell us all about when they do the talk show circuit after winning. Is that so hard?

William the Bloody (may the best win)

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