Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
::Today's soundtrack: The Decemberists "July, July" ::
In case you weren't aware, I am from the state of New Hampshire, located in the northeastern United States. I was born here and I will likely die here. New Hampshire is probably THE MOST BORING STATE in the entire country (well, we're probably tied with Idaho). There is not a lot going on up in here, trust me. This is not to say that I do not love it. No, I truly do. I love the change of seasons, the tall White Mountains, the maple syrup and all that. However, because we are so dull and innocuous, may people even forget about us. What the fuck as New Hampshire ever done for anyone? Well, let me share with you some of what New Hampshire has to offer (or has offered in the past):
New Hampshire is home to the tallest mountain in the northeast: Mount Washington. Mount Washington in an interesting place because it has some of the worst known weather in the world and there is a scientific observatory on top of it. You can get to the top of the mountain by driving the autoroad or taking the Cog Railway: a train which ascends the mountain at an average grade of 25% (the second steepest train track in the world). You could also hike it, if you are so inclined (PUN ALERT), but be ready for a trek. There is snow on top of the mountain most of the year, but when it is scarce, you can see the snow makes this neat number 7 pattern. We people in "the north country" officially declare summer when the 7 on the mountain has melted away.
Also in our white mountains, and on one side of Mount Washington, is Tuckerman's Ravine. The shape and location of the ravine make it a natural catch basin for blown snow off of Mount Washington, and as a result, is a popular ski area in the late spring. Yep, Tuckerman's is a noncommercial ski area with usable snow sometimes through the end of May. That's FREE SKIING in warm May weather. You need to be experienced to ski there due to the shape of the ravine it can be treacherous to newbies. Why else would it not be commercial (besides the state park reserve... like THAT would ever stop a corporation from exploiting something... but potential lawsuits would)?
The state motto of New Hampshire is "Live Free or Die" after a quote by one of our famous Revolutionary War generals, John Stark. We take this motto VERY SERIOUSLY. Citizens have cited this motto as the reason for keeping seat belt and helmet use for adults as optional and NOT mandated by law like almost every other state in the country (motorcyclist are always pleased to cross over into our state as they can remove their helmets if they so choose). Now you understand the title of that one Die Hard movie. It all makes sense now.
There is NO SALES TAX in New Hampshire! It's so nice to go shopping and know that the price on the tag is what you pay at the register and not have to take the time to factor in tax. You should come here and spend some money.
New Hampshire is the state with the very first every-four-year Presidential Primary vote in the United States. Tiny towns with less than 100 people can start voting at midnight and officially close for tally once everyone has voted. These places often garner national press coverage for early exit polling.
Did you know that there was a US president from New Hampshire? Franklin Pierce was his name and he served for one term in the 1800s, after the Mexican-American War, but before the Civil War. He is historically regarded as possibly THE WORST PRESIDENT EVER (we are SO proud). Which is probably why no other New Hampshirites have become president since.
H. H. Holmes (born Herman Mudget), America's very first official serial killer was from New Hampshire! He was born in Gilmanton, but it wasn't until he murdered people in Chicago that he got famous.
Do you remember that movie To Die For starring Nicole Kidman? well, it was based on lecherous New Hampshire school teacher Pamela Smart! In 1990, twenty-three year old Pamela Smart seduced fifteen year old Billy Flynn and convinced him to murder her husband, with whom she had been having marital problems. They are both currently still in prison for this murder.
Okay, so those people don't exactly make New Hampshire look too good. How about THESE:
New Hampshire is where the band Aerosmith was formed! Joe Perry and Tom Hamilton were performing at a show in Sunapee, New Hampshire and that's where they met Steven Tyler. No lie!
Also, that one guy from the Dresden Dolls is from New Hampshire! You know, the one who isn't Amanda Palmer. Wosisname. Brian Viglione. That guy. He's from Greenville. So there.
Comedic actor Adam Sandler may have been born in Brooklyn, but he calls Manchester, New Hampshire his home town. Sandler's family moved to New Hampshire's largest city when he was five years old. He has been known to make charitable donations to organizations in the Manchester area.
Here's something you probably didn't know: Alan Shepard, the second person, but first American, in space was born in Derry, New Hampshire. Though the soviets beat him to space by about a month, Alan Shepard is the one we all remember (on account of America is better than everyone at everything).
In other space news, Christa McAuliffe, the woman chosen to be the first civilian in space by NASA, was a teacher from our state capital, Concord. She perished when the shuttle she was aboard, the Challenger, exploded not two minutes after launching. Her death was a national tragedy and there are currently scholarships, schools, and museums named in her honour.
Americana poet Robert Frost based his most famous works on his life when he lived in New Hampshire. Frost won a Pulitzer Prize for his collection of poetry simple titled New Hampshire.
Michael Durant was an Air Force pilot in 1993 during Operation Gothic Serpent (which is a cool name and will be the name of my fictitious band for which I play bass) when he was downed by a rocket propelled grenade in the Battle of Mogadishu. He was captured by the Somalis and held for eleven days. Durant is portrayed by actor Ron Eldard in the movie Black Hawk Down about these events. Durant has also written book about his capture and military service called In the Company of Heroes. He was born in Berlin, the northern most city in the state.
Speaking of Berlin, did you know the inventor of Tupperware, Earl Tupper, hails from there as well? Yes, it's named after a guy. Yes, he's from New Hampshire. Yes, it was his company what started the whole "party" marketing idea that many other companies use now. All because he developed non-breakable every day plastic items for use in the military during World War II. Deal with it.
Side note: I feel I should take a moment to make certain that you out-of-staters (re: all of you) reading this are pronouncing Berlin, the New Hampshire city, properly. It isn't how you would think. It is notably not how you say Berlin, Germany (bur-LYNN). Berlin, New Hampshire emphasizes the first syllable, so it is BUR-lynn. Because we are silly, silly, Yankees, that's why.
This concludes your geographical, historical, and cultural education about New Hampshire and its meager significance. See, while boring and seemingly insignificant, New Hampshire has some pretty neat factoids behind it. Much of this I learned in school (New Hampshire history is a state required school subject since even our own citizenry need to be convinced of our significance) or watched on my local news (mostly in horror, if I think about it... teacher statutory rapes a teen, Air Force pilot captured, shuttle explodes, Adam Sandler, etc). There will be a quiz. A pop quiz to come at a future undisclosed date. It will count for one-third of your final grade.
William the Bloody (and the useless information just keeps coming)
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