Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
::Today's soundtrack: Suzanne Vega "Tom's Diner (DNA mix)" ::
It probably won't come as a shock to many people to learn that I enjoy food. It tastes good. It is probably the best way to collect nutrients there is. I mean, I always disliked those 1950s Visions of Tomorrow! where everyone ate a pill for lunch. Blech! Who would want to live like that? Yes, from freshly baked breads to red-ripened apples, eating food is downright pleasant. And, as an enjoyer of many types of food and food-type products (um... even I'm not sure what I mean by this remark. Let's just plug on, shall we?), I would like to take a stand a declare a category of food the best of the bunch. Raised head and shoulders above the rest, the absolute most delicious food type has got to be the breakfast food!
Manomanoman, do I ever enjoy the type of stuff you can have for breakfast. Waffles and pancakes and those French Canadian crepes, oh and basically anything else you can get dripping with maple syrup is deeeeelishush. Oooh, served with a side of sausage and Who hash. Nomnomnomnomnom! Let's not forget the awe and majesty of the omelet! Cheese, bacon bits, ham and onions.... in a finely folded egg blanket.... drooooooool..... But sometimes there's nothing like lovin' fresh from the oven with hot and fluffy muffins, croissants or danishes! Dripping with fruit fillings and butter with a big honkin' glass of orange juice.... Dammit, I just had dinner and now I've gone and meself want to eat again. Curse you breakfast and your outright yumminess!
If reading that last paragraph has made you a fraction of as hungry as I inadvertently made myself, then you can at least partially agree on how wonderful and delicious breakfast foods are. If we can all agree that breakfast is yummy and we all like to eat it, then what I want to know is why oh why do most restaurants which serve breakfast ever stop? Why is it you have to turn up before 11am at most places to get blueberry pancakes? or an omelet? or a croissanwich? What if I want blueberry pancakes at 2pm? 5pm? 9pm? That's right what if I want brinner (breakfast for dinner = "brinner")?! What if I went to bed at 4am and woke up at 1pm and goddammit I just got up and want me some sweet ass breakfast foods? Whose bitch do I have to slap to get me some French toast over here??
Yeah, yeah, when it comes right down to it, I could always make it for myself. An omelet isn't so hard, but I'll be damned if I'm dirtying up my mixer just for me. That thing is a bitch to clean. Well, there is that Dunkin' Donuts downtown, but I can't get anything with maple syrup on it there. Plus, they constantly run out of muffins, the jerks. Some days, I'd sell my left arm for an IHOP to open up near where I live. Good gravy, that'd be the awesome. It'd just be so much simpler if all the restaurants around here kept on serving breakfast all day long rather than stopping. I wonder if I can convince the state Congress to pass a bill?
Dear Senator: please consider making it mandatory for all establishments which serve breakfast to do so during the entire duration of their operating hours. Do so and I will refrain from fiendishly murdering your pet bunny rabbit, Hopper (see enclosed photograph of me holding Hopper with today's newspaper). I bet your kids would really like to see Hopper again, preferably not as a stew. Looking forward to the good news,
William the Bloody (eater of waffles and fine pastries)
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