Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
:: Today's soundtrack : Curve "Wish You Dead" ::
Every December holiday season I find myself rewatching the seasonal classic movies and specials, and of course, this year was no exception. However, last night upon viewing It's a Wonderful Life for the umpteenth time, a crazy thought occurred to me.
You know the story, right? George Bailey, local hero and upstanding citizen, sacrifices his own personal dreams for the greater good of his community and doesn't realize that even though he never traveled like he always wanted to or built giant landmarks, you can still have done something important that means more than you could have ever known, more than all of the giant skyscrapers and bridges combined, until it is taken away.
So, I'm watching this X-mas classic, knowing certain bits of dialogue word for word due to repeat watchings, and in the middle of one of my favourite scenes, the one in George's past where he is walking Mary home after falling into the pool at the school dance, he in a stolen football uniform, and she in a terrycloth robe for something dry to wear, that I realize.... and brace yourself here.... MARY MURDERED GEORGE BAILEY'S FATHER. Wow, that sounds one heck of a lot worse once I put it out there than it did floating in my head, but I'm sorry to say that it is true. Bear with me while I explain myself.
There are a few scenes I can use as "evidence" to this accusation, the first being the one I just mentioned. In order to clarify, I'm going to go over the important events of that scene. First, allow me to set the scene and kinda paraphrase some dialogue.
George and Mary, on their way home, pass by the old, run down house. Local kids throw rocks at the windows and make a wish. If the glass breaks, your wish will come true. George picks up a rock to throw it at the house:
Mary: No, don't. I love that old house. Someday, I'd like to
live in it.
George: That old place? Watch.
George throws a rock and breaks the window.
Mary: What did you wish for?
George: Not one wish, but a whole hatful of them! Mary, I
know, what I'm going to do tomorrow, and the next day and the next. I'm going to
shake off the dust of this crummy old town and I'm going to see the world!
Italy, Greece... and then I'll go to college and see what they know, and then...
then I'm going to build things. Skyscrapers, bridges, big things, important
things!
Mary quickly picks up a rock, and throws it through a window.
George: Hey, that was pretty good! What did you wish for?
Mary: (avoiding the subject) Buffalo gal, won't you come out
tonight, come out tonight....
Moments later, a car screeches to a halt beside them and Uncle Billy informs George that his father has just had a stroke....
Years later in George's life, he and Mary get hitched, but instead of a fancy honeymoon abroad, they wind up spending all of their savings to rescue the Building & Loan from a bank run of worried citizens. After spending the day at work, he goes home to his wife who has fixed up a small portion of the old house with broken windows to a romantic setting where she confesses that that night years ago.... get ready.... she had wished for this.
Still not seeing it? Well, Mary who was pleading to spare the old house, throws a rock at it herself only after George tells her that he's going to leave Bedford Falls and pretty much never come back. Mary did the only thing she could think to do at the time to prevent this: she threw a rock and made a wish. She wanted George to stay. She wanted them to get married and live in that old house, which all came true. The thing that it took for that to happen? George's father had to die. After George's father died, the Building & Loan was almost sold out to crotchety old man Potter, who was one step away from owning and running the entire town. It was an impassioned speech from George which stopped the board of directors from going through with the sale, on the one condition that George stay on to run it. George did not want a bitter old man like Potter to hold the town in his iron grip, so he gave his university money to his brother and stayed on at the Building & Loan. If George's father had lived, George would have left. He would have gone to university. He would have traveled, and he probably would never have come back home, like most of his friends.
Mary may not have realized what she was doing when she made that wish, but like it or not, her wish pretty much adds up to a putting a blood clot in Mr. Bailey's brain. She may as well have shot him, the bitch! Okay, maybe calling Mary a bitch is a bit extreme, but can you see my point? It's all her fault. She did it. J'accuse, Mary Bailey, j'accuse.
So sorry to crush your holiday spirit by uncovering a beloved film character's murder plot, but there it is, pretty straightforward, if you ask me. Mary wanted George by any means necessary, so she had his father whacked. And I watch her do it every year. On X-mas. Yeah, happy holidays to me.
William (bearer of bad news)
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