Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
:: Today's soundtrack: Voltaire "When You're Evil" ::
I think I need something startling and traumatic to happen to me if I am to ever become that truly nasty and twisted super villain I keep hoping to be. Just look at it, eh? Not just any old Joe off the street is an evil maniac, no, something made them that way! Well, where's my trigger?
Maybe what I need is a facial scar or some sort of irreparable body mutilation. Look at Dr. Doom, huh? Handsome guy, straight A's, top of his class, then one day --BOOM-- explosion gives him a scar on his cheek and he's suddenly full of paranoia and hate juice. The Joker? The Invisible Man? Same thing. Irreversible bodily damage sent them over the edge to a life of crime and super villainy. Perhaps I ought to "accidentally" trip and fall into a vat of angry wolverines/blood thirsty piranhas to get me the scarring I need to start me off, but that does sound awfully painful...
Or maybe I need to have my family murdered before my eyes by some two-penny crook/mafia enforcers. That usually does the trick, too, doesn't it? Nothing quite like witnessing your parents get shot by a thug to make you bitter and violent. Trouble is, I can't seem to get my folks to take that midnight stroll with me down the dark alleyways of New York City. Oh, I tried to tell them it was one of those fancy, out-of-the-way tours of historic locations, but they just aren't buying it. Rats.
Well, there's always the "I have a brilliant idea but all of my colleagues laughed at me and now the world must pay" routine. Yeah, that's the ticket. What's my brilliant idea, though? The mutant chickens? Hm. I don't know. Wait! How about.... toaster.... ham...? Er. I'll have to get back to you....
No wonder there aren't more super villains! Getting your
origin started off properly is hard! I guess my garish, high collared, caped,
leather chapped, puffy-shirted and sequined villain outfit will just have to sit
in the closet for a little while longer...
William (almost evil)
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