Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
::Today's soundtrack: Josh Joplin Group "Camera One" ::
Some of you, the ones who have a memory duration longer than the average goldfish, will remember my setting forth a new feature on this site, The Interview Swap. Well, as soon as I proposed the idea of swapping interviews for the purposes of mutual advertising, I was inundated with positive responses! And by "inundated" I of course mean, "received one interested reply from a good friend."
Yes, none other than my old pal The Gabe who in the past has contributed to this website both visually and with the written word (see the Art By Other People Who Aren't Me and Short Stories sections for the goodness). He is now bestowing upon me the honor, no the privilege, of breaking in my new feature AND, by default, a nice rant substitute which requires little work by me to generate (Mmm taste that Rant Substitute sweetness... has half the calories of an actual Rant!)!
I would like to preface the following bizarre line of questioning by informing you that The Gabe is insane, and therefore asked me some of the weirdest questions ever asked to anyone on this green Earth. Naturally, I had to reciprocate by asking HIM some of the oddest questions I could muster. The Gabe answers William's Weird Questions below! Enjoy!
Question 1: Do you have a survival strategy for when
the zombie apocalypse happens? How long do you think you'll be able to hold out
using it?
Sheesh, you would have to ask a supremely difficult question with the first,
wouldn't you? Well, I think my answer will be based on my 4 favorite zombie
related media: Shawn of the Dead, Zombieland, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies,
and World War Z; the former two being films, the latter two being novels.
Though, of these four listed works, perhaps I would most adhere to the "rules
and guidelines" laid forth in Zombieland and World War Z, despite the fact that
Zombieland features the fast-moving undead and the others all have the
traditional shuffling implacable beasts. So, my strategy would definitely follow
those and learn how to use multiple weapons in order to defend myself. I would
probably try to find some high ground to hole up in that has a natural spring
and wildlife I can hunt. As to how long I can survive like this? Well, factoring
in an increased fear/defecation ratio that will undoubtedly slow me down, the
mentally debilitating "OMG, no Internet!" effect, and my innate inability to
neither hunt nor locate a natural spring...let's see...carry the 1...hmmm....
According to my calculations I've already died in a mysterious hang-gliding
accident. Odd, that.
Question 2: If you all of a sudden could taste nothing but pork no matter
what touched your tongue, how do you think this would effect your life?
First, I would attempt to give myself a cool nickname - everything is better if
you have a cool nickname - something like Dynamo or Dr. Righteous or Coolface. I
would then probably enjoy the taste of pork for a day or two. Then maybe cry a
little. Then it would
occur to me that I could enter Hot Sauce eating contests and not even break a
sweat, earn huge amount of money from endorsement deals and the Tabasco Mafia,
and eventually rule Australia. I like it: Coolface the Emperor of the Outback...
Question 3: If you manifested a super power, would you use your new ability
for good or evil?
Why must I conform to these archaic abstractions of good and evil? Why can't I
be a champion of a new category of moral behavior, something like goovil! The
tenets of this belief are a nice even balance between helping old folks cross
busy streets, taking candy from babies, and digging random holes filled with
pillows so people will trip and fall into them but instead of getting hurt, they
are suspended in a vat of plushy loveliness. If that option isn't on the table
then I guess, evil based on the fact that "evil" spelled backwards is "live,"
while "good" spelled backwards is "doog," and that is just stupid.
Question 4: When they finally decide to make The Internet a sovereign nation
and make you its king, what colours would be on the flag and what would the
national anthem be?
I dreamed of this day many a night during the afternoon. The colors on my flag
will be navy blue, titanium white, and royal purple (for obvious reasons). Our
national anthem shall be a new verse of the Oompa-Loompa song that has yet to be
written (again, for obvious reasons.)
Question 5: Which annoys you more: loud chewing, loud talking, loud whistling
or Fran Drescher?
Well, lets think about this... I would choose loud chewing if the loud chewing
was from a gum infested teenie-bopper; I would choose loud talking if the loud
talking was from any politician; I would choose loud whistling if the loud
whistling was from a creepy old guy with a gap in his teeth; I would choose Fran
Drescher if it was while she was alive...or dead. Yeah, I'm comfortable with
those answers.
***
There you have it, kids. If you want to read MY five questions, The Gabe posted them here:
http://versusthevoice.blogspot.com/2010/02/versus-interview-swap-william-bloody.html
But you know what? You really ought to be checking out his whole website in general, Gabe versus The Voice of Reason for reasons of awesome. The Gabe has been known to review the occasional book and movie, but he pretty much will write about the oddest thoughts conjured up by his huge head. So if you like intelligent sounding ramblings (and if you DON'T I really have no idea why you're even HERE to begin with), then you should go read these ramblings in particular. Trust me, you'll get a kick out of it.
Now that's one interview down. Doesn't this look like fun? Anyone else care to jump in? If so, you can start the super easy process HERE.
William the Bloody (Amused)
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