Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
::Today's soundtrack: Red Flag "Once Past, Twice Future" ::
Do you know what natural phenomenon creeps me out? Human identical twins. That is some freaky shit right there.
Two people who look exactly alike! Sometimes their own mother can't tell them apart! This should not be allowed to happen. In fact, I think such a thing is an affront to The Lord. Well, if it isn't, I'm starting an internet rumour right now that it is. I fully expect any sets of identical twins to be rounded up and chased out of their respective towns as devil-children by angry mobs by the end of the month.
Come on, I can't be the only person who thinks identical twins are weird freaks. And no, it's NOT just because I have seen The Shining, either. First off, it's two separate people who look exactly the same. You can never know for certain which one you are speaking with! I bet twin really get off on that prank, too, the bastards. They enjoy substituting for one another without telling anyone at various occasions such as work, school and romantic dates. Then they laugh about this with each other behind everyone's backs!! THEY DO! Secondly, not only do they have the same appearance, but often they also behave similarly due to having spent their whole lives together. Sure, you or I could say that we've known someone "our whole life," but this is not usually literal. Or it can be true for us but not the other person, such as, I have known my MOTHER my whole life, but certainly hasn't known ME for HER whole life. Twins on the other hand, are BORN literally minutes apart, and as a result usually share a freakishly strong sibling bond that no other relationship on Earth has yet been able to replicate. Due to the time spent together, twins can have the same laugh or gait. They look the same AND act the same, too! It's against the laws of god and man!
Because of these oddities of identical twins, I cannot help but get the urge to want to lock them in separate rooms and perform experiments on them. It's like having the perfect control group! Twin A will get this new experimental drug and Twin B will get a placebo. Let's watch! I've always wanted to punch a twin in the face and see if the other twin can feel it it. You know, like Tomax and Xamot on GI Joe. I MUST KNOW THE TRUTH! Or, it would just be cool to be able to say "I'm going to punch you so hard your twin brother will feel it" to somebody.
Yes, identical twins freak me out, but I will cede to them this one point: I feel sorry for them whenever somebody makes them dress alike. Be it toddlers with a mother who puts them in the same sailor suit or a reality television show who makes them wear the same outfit because they think the audience won't recognize them as identical without also an identical wardrobe, THAT SHIT HAS GOT TO STOP. Seriously, stop dressing twins the same. It's not cute any more. Scratch that: it never WAS cute.
William the Bloody (evil twin)
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