Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
:: Today's soundtrack: The White Stripes "Seven Nation Army" ::
You know what really burns my toast? I mean, besides all that other stuff I've already mentioned. Wow there sure are many things that burn my toast... ANYway.... What can really stink is when you have a television show you like, but they insist on have this one character that totally blows. That one character with nothing helpful to say ever. The one who always gets into trouble and the others must rescue. The one that should just plain shut up or die already. Sadly, this has happened to a few shows I like.
Snarf. What was the point of Snarf again? To whine and say "Lion-o! Look out!...snarf." What was he anyway? Was he supposed to be like their pet or something? But he talks! And then later on they bring on ANOTHER snarf!!! What the merry hell were they thinking??
Scrappy-doo. Come on. Nobody liked Scrappy-doo, and if you did, I'll have to hunt you down. Alright, so Scooby was a talking a dog. Fine. He spoke in broken, impeded speech, like if a dog were trying to talk. Scrappy, on the other hand, has no such inhibitions. Why is this? Clearly he's a dog, but are they implying that he's the bastard child of a dog and say, one of the female members of Mystery Inc? Ew.
Dawn. Buffy the Vampire Slayer was a freakin' awesome show, man! That is, until... What were they desperate to try for high school viewers again? Lower the age of their key demographic? I swear, Dawn served no purpose other that to get in trouble and be saved, over and over. So, they needed Buffy to die at the end of season 5, I'm sure there were scads of ways to do it without inventing...her.
Slimer. I liked the old Real Ghostbusters cartoon. Sue me. Slimer was fine in the beginning, as a background character, but when some numb-nut decided to give him the spotlight and turn it into... Real Ghostbusters...and Slimer!. Shoot me now.
Melvin. Remember The Super Friends? I watched that in my youth like a rabid maniac. I didn't even read comics then. I thought it was kooky fun, even if every episode they had to concoct some sort of marine catastrophe just to make Aqua-man seem useful. I even liked the Wonder Twins. "form of..a gorilla! shape of.. an ice cage!" That was great how they'd work as a team. Even the "second-stringers" who insulted every culture known to man like, Apache Chief, didn't bother me; I was a kid!. It was too bad when the Super Friends had these sort of team sidekicks. There was that girl, the dog, and... Melvin. Melvin had those awful bellbottoms and that irritating voice. And he always thought he had super-powers when he didn't! This was supposed to be funny? Are the Super Friends just lowering their standards? I know if I were running a world-wide super-team of do-gooders, I sure wouldn't want some wannabe pimply teenager gunning up the works every crisis.
Inspector Gadget. Alright. so it was his show, but damn it, he didn't do anything, besides malfunction and get captured. It deeply troubled me to think that a bumbling idiot who once or twice got lucky on his own, could get promoted all the hell the way up to inspector without anybody catching on! Penny and her dog brain made a formidable duo at solving crimes and thwarting evil, but never took credit for some reason. Perhaps she felt sorrow for her neurotic uncle and wanted to see him succeed? Sorry, sister, you shouldn't have been an enabler.
Flim-flam. Okay so I'm getting minutely abstract now. Darn it, I like The 13 Ghosts of Scooby-doo. It slimmed down Mystery, Inc to just Shaggy, Scooby and Daphne, which was fine with me. But on this show, the ghosts were real ghosts, not groundskeepers in costume, and this show had Vincent Price!! Vincent can sell me on anything. Then along came that damnable Flim-flam. A young boy with an undetermined ethnicity and voiced by a girl, he never contributed anything worth while, besides, yes being captured and yep, gumming up the works.
Am I bitter? Yes. Am I vengeful? You bet. Do I have a point? Umm....
William (the third wheel)
