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Rants >> Rant 29

:: Today's soundtrack: Smashing Pumpkins "Daydream" ::


I'm thinking about going insane. Think of the freedom involved! You can act all weird, sleazy and sideways and no one will say anything to you or have you arrested, because you're obviously shit-nuts!

I want to be able to be that guy who looks shifty in the convenience store and then when he approaches the counter, starts going on about how the clerk is the one to betray us all and the world will be doomed. I want to be able to just shout random words, which don't compile a comprehensive sentence, at the top of my lungs while in any crowded area. "Shirt! My God saliva walks above! Crustacean leaks gasoline upon cabbage!"

Oh the freedom of being "that guy" in town. Because every town has at least that one guy. The one guy that every one recognizes and herds their children away from cautiously. I could be a legend.

I would have to shower if I didn't want. In fact, I'd go so far as to stuff weird things into my pockets and then stand really close to somebody on the street or in line somewhere so they can get a whiff and wonder at placing the smell, "Is that grass clippings and and spaghetti o's? Is that chocolate pudding and gouda cheese? What the hell does this guy get into?"

Every day I could go out and do nothing. I'd go out and just wander around Main Street. Every. Day. I could just wander into shops and harass employees for no reason, and I could get away with it too because I'm that crazy guy. Some of them even give me free stuff just so I leave them alone. Then I wander around Main Street wearing a life vest from the sporting goods store, a Gilligan hat from men's apparel, and huge pink sunglasses from ladies apparel. Still shouting incoherently "Blubber on spoons! Shoo away! Squish the crotch of us all!"

I'd have to let my hair go. It'd get long and just stick out every which way. I'd grow out a crazy beard. Oh! And keep stuff in it. There'd be like, I don't know, those little army men poking out and people will wonder whether or not to say anything.

Ah, the life of a small town crazy. A great way to fuck with people. It could be sweet.

William (has finally lost it)

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