Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
:: Today's soundtrack: Chris Cornell "You Know My Name" ::
Do you know what I don't don't get and totally despise? Thank you cards. Whomever the jerk was who came up with this little bit of etiquette needs to have his tombstone desecrated immediately. Spray painted, beaten with a sledgehammer, urinated on, whatever. I'm not picky. So long as the job is done.
My problem is pretty mush this: When some gives me a gift, I usually thank them in person, more often than not, at least three times. I say thank you when they hand me the gift. I say thank you again after I open and find out what it is. And finally, one more thanks as we part ways. That's THREE in person thank yous, usually accompanied by a hug, pat on the back, or at the very least, an appreciative and sincere smile. And yet, despite all of this, many people are of the opinion that unless I mail them a thank you card they have not been properly thanked. Who the hell came up with this idea?? Just who the hell has the right to say that I'm ungrateful unless I've mailed them an official document stating my thanks in writing? I guess you missed how thankful I was for the gift when I was, oh I don't know, THANKING YOU IN PERSON? Do I need to have my stenographer read you back the minutes of our gift exchange? That's right; I took the liberty of hiring a stenographer. It's so much easier to settle arguments and disputes when you have irrefutable evidence.
Me (on the phone): Hello?
A friend: Hey, William, it's me.
Me: Oh, hey!
Friend: Just wanted to know if you're getting any use out of
that book I gave you for X-mas at dinner last week. I never got a thank you
card, so I wasn't sure...
Me: Sure, I LOVE the book, man. Remember, I said so when you
gave it to me?
Friend: You did? I don't recall...
Me: One moment, I'll put on Mrs. Levinson.
Friend: Who?!
Mrs. Levinson: December the twenty seventh, six thirty five pm: "William the Bloody receives a gift from
friend wrapped in gold paper. William the Bloody: 'thanks! You didn't have to do
that!' William's Friend: 'Come on, it's X-mas! Open it.' William the Bloody
unwraps gift and holds up the contents. William the Bloody: 'A David Sedaris
book! I love it! Thank you so much!!' William's Friend: 'You don't have that one
already?' William the Bloody: 'Not yet! Thanks!' Williams Friend: 'Great! You're
welcome!'"
Me: Thank you Mrs. Levinson.
Friend: Well, I'll be damned.
Me: Told you, dude.
Okay, so thank you cards aren't TOTALLY useless. If my auntie in Alaska mails me a gift and I can't thank her in person, sure, I'll mail her a card. But something like 98% of my gift swapping is done in person and I shouldn't feel obligated to thank them both in person AND through the mail. Come on, that's just asinine. If a person has been thanked through words coming out of my mouth and by allowing them to invade my personal space by hugging me, I think this is far more personal and heartfelt than any words I could put to paper. So I say, ley's not allow those Ms. Manners types out there to make us feel like we're three inches tall by not following the etiquette book to the letter. No more guilt trips because I simply will not allow myself to feel any guilt over it any longer.
William (thanks for the memories)
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