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Rants >> Rant 82

:: Today's soundtrack: REM "Final Straw" ::


 I've been seeing commercials for a new comic book based movie and it sickens me. It shall go down in history as on of the poorest casting decisions ever made, which, of course, got me to thinking on this topic.

Keanu Reeves as John Constantine in "Constantine."  This is the aforementioned offender. What the hell were they thinking?? Have any of the casting directors even LOOKED at the Hellblazer or Swamp Thing or Sandman comics? One, Keanu is way too young looking, two, he's not blond, or even dyed to look as such, and three, he's not English! The role was obviously tailor made for the likes of Sting of some such.

Kirsten Dunst as Mary Jane Watson in "Spider-Man." Yes, I enjoy these films, and this won't stop me from watching them, but come on! This was a horrible choice. She in no way captured what the Mary Jane character in the comics was all about. Mary Jane was beaten down by her father and led a very sad home life, but when out on the town she was little miss party girl, trying to hide her secret shame of a terrible life. Kirsten's acting was wooden and unemotional. In "Spider-Man 2", the "just one kiss" scene in the diner before Doc Ock shows up? I can't think of a face less responsive and open to being kissed. She didn't even look the part. Mary Jane was a curvaceous beauty, and Kirsten was just a skinny rail.

Kevin Costner as Robin Hood in "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves." Ugh. And thus begins my hatred for Costner. Nearly everyone else in the film at least tried to pretend they were English, but him, no, he couldn't be bothered. I'm pretty okay with rest of the movie's cast (and I'm including Christian Slater in that, so, yeah, woah), but he was just going through the motions in such a way that we, the audience,  ought to be grateful that agreed to be in it at all.

Ben Affleck as Daredevil in "Daredevil." Maybe this is just my overall hatred for Affleck shining through, but I seriously think the makers of this film just didn't think at all. I mean, seriously, when you have somebody who has an upper face obscuring mask, you want the lower half to be pretty striking, right? If this is the case, I don't think they could have picked anybody worse. Ben "Severe Under-bite" Affleck should not be doing any sort of work to over state his more than obvious facial shortcomings.

The entire cast of "Batman and Robin." Okay, what were they, high? George Clooney as the Dark Knight? No. Chris O'Donnell as Robin? No. Alicia Silverstone as Batgirl? NO! Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr Freeze?? Hell NO!! Mein Gott this casting goes into the crime against humanity category. Yes, the casting directors and producers should be put before the world court and forced to justify themselves.

Perhaps I've stomped around and moaned enough here, though I'm sure I could go on and on. Sophia Coppola in "Godfather III" comes to mind, as do so many others. There are just too many instances these days where it feels like film makers just don't care so much. It's all about just cranking them out. One day maybe they'll realize that sometimes just the right casting can save a movie from other horrible afflictions such as poor writing or subject matter, that if you like who's delivering the tripe to you and they're doing it well, that maybe we'll be more willing to take it. Come on Hollywood, do right by the fans!

William (out for blood)

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