Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
::Today's soundtrack: Ok Go "A Million Ways to Be Cruel" ::
I'm going to talk about dogs right now. I'm telling you right up front that I am a "cat person." This does not mean that I don't like dogs per se, just that if given the choice between the two, I would prefer a cat to a dog. I do enjoy dogs. Petting them and playing with them and whatnot. I don't particularly care for all the slobbering or accidental jabs of their faces to my crotch region, but I can deal with it. The things which I don't like about dogs the most is not any dog's fault. No, it is people's fault.
One of the big things started out rather inanely enough. Rich socialites started carrying small breeds of dogs, like Chihuahuas, around in their handbags. It kind of bugged me for reasons I couldn't really justify all too well. Like, if that's her regular handbag, then doesn't dog hair and poo get all over her personal stuff? Doesn't the dog want to run around? It couldn't possibly like being stuffed into that bag. You know, all what-iffy, theoretical things. However, soon the idea of having little dogs in your handbag became widespread and the demand for teeny, little dogs grew beyond the little types and folks have started breeding smaller and smaller dogs of breeds which were never meant to be so small. THAT really irks me. At least small bred dogs were still relatively dog sized, but there are "toy" dogs and people are trying to go as small as "teacup" bred dogs which will fit into the palm of your hand! Okay, now, to me, a dog THAT small should never exist. If you want a pet that small get a gerbil or a hamster or something! Medium to large build dogs should NOT be purposefully bred down to miniscule sizes! Tiny, what I refer to as "yip-yip" dogs, have always been the most annoying sort of dog ever. They are small, but they bark at everything that moves, real or imagined, in this annoying high-pitched "yipping" sound. I despise the idea of what was once a dignified breed of dog being reduced to a "yip-yip" breed!
The other thing that bothers me is when people dress their dogs in little outfits. I'm not talking about putting a hairless breed dog in a sweater on a cold day. This is relatively logical. I'm talking about when people want to dress their dog up for Halloween in a clown costume or an elf on X-mas. This. Is. Insanity. Don't you you see how forlorn and undignified you dog looks in the face in all those photos you insist on showing your friends? Yes, very festive for Rover to wear that leprechaun costume on St. Patrick's Day, but good gravy I have never seen a dog more depressed looking in my life! Can't you tell your dog doesn't like it by the fact that 1, he fought you and tried to run away while you were putting it on and 2, the second after you finished putting it on he tried desperately to get it off?? Dogs are not dolls. Knock that shit off. Seriously. It is demeaning for both the dog and the dog's owner.
Okay, so, please, for the love of dogs, stop messing around with them! Breeders, cease and desist your search for the key to elusive teacup breeding before it's too late! Stop the madness with the toy and miniatures! To go any smaller is stupid! Let's keep a dog a dog and struggling for dominance over a rat! And dog owners please stop dressing your poor canines in ridiculous outfits! Unless of course you put an "I'm with stupid" T-shirt on your dog. Then go right ahead.
William the Bloody (dog defender)
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