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Rants >> Rant 255

::Today's soundtrack: Talking Heads "Once in a Lifetime" ::


A friend of mine on the internets (I believe it was Becca) has briefly brought up this topic, but I found I couldn't comment on it properly over there because it could easily become a giant rant clogging up her comment box. Then I realized, "Hey I HAVE a place where I CAN leave giant rants about stuff," so here it is.

The subject was regarding one's expectations with their life, and not necessarily your own, but also those relatively put upon you by society in general. See, it's like this: here in the good ol' US of A, we have a thing we call "the American Dream," and it is generally accepted that this is not only what everyone wants, but what everyone should want, and that if you haven't checked off certain life aspects from this list then you could typically be seen by others as a failure at your own life.

What exactly is the American Dream? Well, basically it means having a steady job, having a car, getting married, buying a house, having 2.5 children, a dog and encapsulating it all within a white picket fence. I'm pretty sure this idea was put forth somewhere in the middle of the twentieth century in post-World War II America. The whole idea behind it was that this basic concepts and desires can be achieved by anyone in This Great Country so long as they are willing to study and work hard. It doesn't matter if you started out living in a one room hovel if you are willing to work hard you can "move up" and buy that dream house and marry that girl and have a Better Life for your children than you did as a young one.  It does sound good doesn't it? Who in this world hasn't at one point in their life envisioned themselves living out their days in this enticing vision?

As a basic "anyone can achieve these basic wants and desires in America" concept, the American Dream works well. The problem with it is that it has inadvertently become a standard on which others judge your success. You're how old and you're not yet married?? There must be something wrong with you! You're married and you still rent? Oh you HAVE to buy your own! When are you going to have kids? You're supposed to want kids! Everyone does! Why haven't you gotten started working on getting these things?? Life is short, you know! Chop, chop! And recently I've found that going to University has been added to this list of expected goals to achieve. You have to go to University! If you don't you'll never get a good job! You've never gone to University? You mustn't be very bright.

You know this is true, that this is how most people think. But, I've said it before and I'll say it again: I personally don't think everyone NEEDS to get married and it is possible to be perfectly happy this way and NOT be a freak. Yes, some people aren't married because they don't want to be and NOT because no one wants them. Shock, I know. You know what else? It is perfectly possible to NOT go to University and get a good job. You don't have to be doomed to food service your whole life if you don't want to be. There's plenty of apprenticeships and on-the-job training out there in well paying fields, so I don't get why people feel like you are inferior because you never went to University to get that degree in Art History and wind up working at a bank.  Yeah there's a real shocker, that even though you do go to University you only have a fifty-fifty (okay maybe it's more like two in three) chance of even getting a job in the field in which you studied! So why the stigma if around half of the college graduates have "useless" degrees anyway? Then there is the expectation to bare children. The societal pressures to have your own kids once you get married is enormous, and it is practically the first question people ask you once they are finished talking about how the wedding was and if you had fun on your honeymoon. And it's not just the public, it is your own family, too! My sister got married and our mother was all upons over when she was getting grandchildren. Personally, I'm hoping on never.

Well, I suppose what it ought to come down to is that no one can tell you what you want or even what you should want. Don't let the standards of the American Dream overwhelm you into thinking you're a failure. It's fine to want to get married "someday" and be available to the idea, but you don't have to think it is a must in order to be a success. Don't go judging yourself based on a list of standards someone else has set up for you. Think about what you, yourself want to achieve and then set about doing it. This was my list: 1. Get a good job (check). 2. Move out of parent's house (check). 3. Don't go on welfare (check). The end. Look at that, I'm a huge success! And everything else is just gravy.

William the Bloody (livin' the dream)

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