Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
:: Today's soundtrack: Bare Naked Ladies "Lovers in a Dangerous Time" ::
What am I doing for the next few days? Well, I, like half of the English speaking people on the planet Earth, am going to be reading the latest Harry Potter book. Little did I know, the lengthy and horrific security precautions I would have to enact in order to finish such a task... unspoiled!
Friday night, my local book shop was having special Harry Potter activities, raffles, costume contests, et cetera, which all culminated with the sale of the latest book at one minute after midnight. No sooner had I exited the store than I noticed a teen/pre-teen sitting on the curb with the book open... to the very end. That bastard! His goal here was to spoil the ending for everyone!! While I may often lament the inconvenience of being large of stature, it is very handy when you want to intimidate someone into, say, going home and not causing trouble. One spoil crisis averted!
Alas, it was then that I realized that in order for me to read a popular and widely read book such as this without having the end ruined, the world was already stacked against me, and it had started only minutes after I acquired my book! Unfortunately, there is only one way around this. I have to read the book immediately and in complete isolation. It isn't safe to turn on the television. I can't answer the phone for fear a fellow reading relative or friend has just read a good part and needs someone to gasp all about with them. But worst of all, is the damned internet. My sweet, sweet refuge, now turned against me. Even now, as I type this, not even looking at a browser window, it feels as though the ones and zeros of the interwebs are trying to penetrate my vulnerable brain meats with its vast secrets concerning the fate of Harry and his arch nemesis Voldemort, as though Voldemort himself were gazing into the very depths of my mind and soul with Dark Magic.
But no, you shan't have your way with my mind!! Keep away! Don't look at them, Miriam, don't look! The taunting whispers of the internet will not be allowed to ruin the end of this book for me! I just have to resist the urges... the urges to check my e-mail... movie show times... latest releases to DVD... message boards... to read the blogs I enjoy and make me laugh... read online comics... MUST RESIST!! The only way to make it through this book without having some detail revealed, some hint to its resolution leaked, is to sit down and read it straight through as quickly, yet accurately as possible, and not budge, not stop, until I have reached the triumphant end.
If this is all I go through, it better not suck. That's all I have to say.
William (in a world of reading)
