Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
:: Today's soundtrack: Blondie "Call Me" ::
Hey! You know what else bugs the spit outta me? Cell phones. They really, really annoy the heck outta me. Well, I guess cell phones in of themselves are alright, as objects go, but rather it's more the way cell phones, cell phone ownership, and what not have evolved over the last ten years into this gruesome, lumbering beast of evil hell-bent on ruining human decency.
For one thing, just because you own a cell phone doesn't mean you need to be talking on in it every minute of every day regardless of where you are or what else you may be doing at the time. It's as though owning a cell phone has lowered peoples' understanding of basic etiquette and manners. For instance, people who are in a queue for something, I don't really care what, let's say, to order food at McDonald's or something, and they're next in line but still yakking away on their phone. I've seen it happen where said cell phone user who is talking on the phone and yet refuses to both stop the conversation so that his order can be taken and also step aside so that the cashier can help the next person. He just stands there, not giving his order, continuing to talk and hold up the queue. This is just plain rude and I would like to give my permission to the McDonald's cashier or whomever to go ahead and kneecap people like this. A gun or crowbar, I don't care, just bust some knees.
Of course there are those who leave their phones on and even use them while in the fekkin' movie theatre. If this is not one of the seven deadly sins, it should be! No other punishment besides eternal torture would be sufficient for these bastards. Why do you think most of these phones come equipped with a forward to voice mail feature? Could it be, for situations like going to the cinema? Gasp!! What a concept.
I completely do not understand those people who use their cell phones from their house if they have a land line. If you're calling great aunt Mildred who lives in another country and you don't get long distance fees on your cell, then okay, yes I get it. But if you're just calling up your mates to see if they want to grab a bite later, why use the minutes and rack up the fees? See, I work with this bloke who has a teenaged daughter, right, and well it seems last month her cell bill was THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS. This was spent mainly all on local calls to her friends and most of the time, from home. If she'd have used her home's land line, the bill would have been a small fraction of that! And you know what? Teen daughter has no money so daddy dearest has to shell out the bucks for her idiotic behaviour.
There is also the matter of the stupidity of the cell phone calling plan. I just went to my uncle's recently and he told me his plan is great except for the annoying fact if he is in his home town he is roaming, everywhere else is fine. What the heck kind of screwed up calling system is this? I suppose he mainly uses it on the commute to and from work which is far off, but still. And forget about what I've got regarding my location. I guess it has gotten better in the last five years though. It used to be (and maybe it still is, I'm not sure) that if you got a phone for this area, it just plain would not work anywhere else, and that if you came up from out of the area, your phone would not work here at all. We are also surrounded on three sides by these interesting geographical anomalies called "notches" (a tight valley with high mountains close on either side which twists and turns. They seem to pocket some truly odd weather in there as well, but that's neither here nor there) and if you're traveling through one, guess what? No service or roaming if you're really lucky. Yeah, I can see how them cell phone things are so dead practical to have, then.
And another thing, I'm a rather largely built fellow. I'm about six foot four and broad in the shoulder and whatnot. My point? I also have big fingers and cell phones just keep on getting smaller and smaller, don't they? They get slimmer and shorter to better fit into pockets and handbags, but what about having buttons that I can press properly? Forget about dialing with my thumb as that would be impossible while I simultaneously bump the five while meaning to hit two, or two when I meant three.
And who needs all this extra crap they keep throwing on them? They advertise like an eighty dollar phone but it's got a camera and you can play games! Access your e-mail! The internet! Well how much just for a plain old phone? No bells, no whistles, just a damn old phone, one that can make and receive calls and that's it. I bet you it would be five bucks. But what's that? You don't even make those? Well, what the hell? This is a bloody racket, isn't it?
You know, some of the time when I go out, I go out to get away from stuff. I like to take a leisurely stroll at night and maybe get an ice cream or something down at the corner shop. The point is, I don't want to be bothered right then, during my stroll, so why the heck should I feel the need to carry a cell phone as a means for people to ruin my quiet time? Does anybody else out there even remember nice, quiet, alone time? That sometimes it can be nice to be unreachable? When did it become necessary for everyone to be able to phone everyone else all the dang time? If I'm out, I'm out and unphonable. Tough luck. Leave a message on my home line. That's what I got the machine for.
William (doesn't buy into all the cell phone propaganda)
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