Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
:: Today's soundtrack: Everything But the Girl "Temperamental (Symbion Project Remix)" ::
So, I'm going to be all rippy-offy this week. Yep, I'm stealing my rant idea straight outta Strong Bad e-mail and present... My Bottom Ten.
10. People who consider coffee a lifestyle. You can like coffee, enjoy it even. Then there are those who take it too far. You know who you are. You should be ashamed!
9. When drink sizes come in Medium, Large and Extra Large. How does this work, exactly? How can you possibly HAVE Medium, if there is no SMALL? Why and when did they do away with small? What's the deal?
8. People who do not understand how to work their turn signal on their car. If you're going to turn, you signal. When you're done turning, you make sure the signal has turned off, and if it hasn't, do so manually. How difficult is this to grasp? Idiots.
7. Movie theatre seats that don't have built in cup holders. Seriously, there is no reason on this Earth that not every theatre should be so equipped. What are we? Barbarians?
6. Terrible covers of really good old songs. Why can't some bands just leave well enough alone?
5. People who are famous despite having no discernable talent besides being pretty. Re: Britney Spears, Orlando Bloom... and many others.
4. Poor film adaptations of great books, comics, television shows, and old movies. This bothers me because say I like whatever book that gets made into a bad movie. I tell people that I like whatever book, and having never read said book themselves, they just say, that was a really bad movie. Yeah, no kidding, genius. How many people get turned off from ever discovering these great books, comics, television shows, and old movies because such terrible adaptations were made??
3. People who do not consider any sort of animated movies serious cinema. This really boils my blood that so many people simply assume that animation means children's fare. This is simply not so, and I'm not just talking about the animated hentai porn, either. There are many great movies out there, some in my TOP Ten of greatest films ever that are animated but that I wouldn't want any six year old to watch. A prime example of this bias is Grave of the Fireflies, a Japanese animated feature which won First Prize as Best Animated Feature at the 1994 Chicago International Children's Film Festival. Yes, a brilliant film and worthy of awards, but for children?? I'd have to say NO. It's set during WWII, and there is quite a lot of war related violence and death. Do you want YOUR children watching a film about two children becoming orphaned, living off the streets and scraps of others and then slowly starving to death? Didn't think so.
2. People who do not consider any sort of comic books to be literature. Some people are just so ignorant. These are the people who awarded the Sandman: Midsummer Night's Dream issue with the World Fantasy Award, making it the first comic to ever win, and then promptly changed the rules of the award so that comics couldn't ever win again. I'd like to remind them that Maus won the Pulitzer Prize.
1. Unfair/unnecessary censoring/editing. There are some people who don't want certain art books in schools because of nudity, for example (wouldn't want to expose our children to the Venus de Milo or the Sistine Chapel paintings, now would we?). Or how about it's the wee morning hours and you're watching a moving broadcast on the telly, only it's network TV so they still edit out "shit" for poorly dubbed "shoot" despite being 2am. Bastards.
And there you have it. The Bottom Ten. Yeah, it was rather hastily thrown together and last minute, so I'm sure there are other things that should have made it on but I didn't really think through at the time. That's what I get for putting stuff off, I guess. If they come to me later, I'll let ya'll know in the comment dealie or summat...
William (losing patience)
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