Our founder, Sir Bloody William Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William. He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This image was rumoured to have been commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!

Pointer   February 2011 SOTM

Pointer   Found a CD? Click here!

Pointer, small  Pointer, small   Home :: Contact :: Art :: Reviews :: Rants :: Misc. :: Fine Print :: Links
Rants >> Rant 152

:: Today's soundtrack: The Strokes "Someday" ::


So, how about those X-Men, huh? With the latest film, X-Men 3: Die Darkman Die being such a hit, not to mention my own long-time love affair with the comics, I think it is time for me to put forth my X-tra special X-men X-treme Team.

Hack and slash: Wolverine. Duh. Do I even need to justify this?

Brute strength: Colossus. Hands down, not even a second thought to any other candidates such as Rogue, Beast, or even Juggernaut (when he feels like being Mr. Niceguy) (But what about Guido?! Does he not count? No. No he does not.). I never liked Rogue much, possibly because of her irritating Southern drawl and tendency to call everyone and everything "Sugah." Juggernaut is too over the top and unreliable. Beast sheds on the furniture. Colossus is just plain cool-ass. He's not just a rockin' fighter, but in his spare time, he draws (I can identify with that), and he also has a natural defense against magic in his metal form (it's true... go read the stuff leading up to the whole "Inferno" storyline), nor does he bleed or need to breathe like that.

Stealth: Kitty Pryde. Kitty is great. Her ability to "phase" through solid objects is handy for recognizance, spying, messing up anything with circuitry, and high on the defense-o-meter seeing as to how her enemies in a hand to hand fight will be hard pressed to even lay a finger on her. Also, she doubles as the essential "science nerd" with her through the roof intelligence (she can repair the SR-77 Blackbird AND Cerebra, before breakfast), and can TRIPLE as a badass ninja fighter. Oh yeah, Kitty kicks butt.

Resident telepath: Emma Frost. For some reason, X-line-ups have seemingly ALWAYS included a telepath in EVERY incarnation at SOME point, and I choose Emma over Jean Grey, Rachel Summers, and Psylocke simply because she's not afraid to do what needs to be done... no matter how unpleasant or possibly immoral it is. If someone needs to be put down, then that's all there is to it and she's not squeamish to turn off their brain functions to get there. And yet, she's still somehow got class (even in THAT outfit).

Powerhouse: Storm. Her ability to control the weather is too diverse, multifaceted and useful NOT to include. Let's face it: most powerhouses are all about the up front attack like Havok with his... whatever it is he shoots off... plasma bolts?... is only good for so much before a nemesis can figure a way to counter/avoid it. Whether it be as subtle as pea-soup fog to cover an escape or as "we're fucked" as a barrage of tornadoes downing an enemy's fleet, Storm's got the goods and she knows how to use it. Plus, she can fly, and you got to have at least one flier on the squad (and by using the wind, she can take others up with her, too).

Wild card power: Nightcrawler. This could be anyone with any odd ability that the bad guy might not see coming or have a way to properly defend against. Something weird and unexpected like Multiple Man's ability to create an infinite number of duplicates of himself could qualify for this slot (and possibly even Banshee, I mean who would see a screaming Irishman coming?), but I don't find that nearly as useful as Nightcrawler's teleportation. Teleporting can be quite effective in a fight, even Sentinel's have no defense for him grabbing a leg a popping off with it to Spaghetti-Monster-knows-where. Also, he knows how to sword fight and that's just cool. Admit it.

And that's all I need, really. These six could see the team through just about any scenario. I don't feel the need to have too bulky a roster as to cater to any unnecessary fan-service by including someone like Gambit who serves no real purpose whatsoever. What we have here is a practical, solid team. I left out the neurotics (coughCYCLOPScough), the unreliable,  the sometimes insane (is Jean gonna go nuts on us again?), and the lame (Angel is USELESS... face facts) and brought on a team with one heck of a dynamic. If I haven't completely alienated all of my readers (I'm sure 70% of you have never read an X-men comic in your life), please voice your thoughts on my team or better yet, name YOUR X-men X-treme Dream Team!

William (mutie freak)

comments powered by Disqus