Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
:: Today's soundtrack: Blur "Song 2" ::
So, I've been watching these old episodes of that cartoon from the 1980s called "Dungeons & Dragons". I used to love that show, man. I couldn't wait to watch that on Saturday mornings when I was a wee one. I didn't even play D&D then, but I still loved it. After watching several episodes in an insane marathon, I have comprised in my mind another one of those lists of episode observations which I have been known to make. Yes, I'm aware that no one out there cares because nobody but me even remembers this show, but I will cite to the court the case of "this is my site and I'll do what I want."
Here you have it, because I demanded it, the elements that make up any given episode of Dungeons & Dragons:
The kids get their hopes up over a way home.
Dungeon Master says something cryptic which the kids interpret completely wrong the first time.
Dungeon Master walks behind something and disappears.
Two of the kids (usually Eric the Cavalier and Hank) have a disagreement, but Uni gets the last "word."
Presto misuses his magic hat.
Venger looks badass.
Venger tricks the kids with a clever, albeit obvious, disguise.
Venger gets scared off by Tiamat the five headed dragon.
Frank Welker and/or Peter Cullen do the voice to at least one extra character other than their usuals of Uni and Venger respectively.
Venger tries to steal the kids' magic weapons.
Shadow Demon spies on the kids.
Eric complains or makes a snide remark.
Diana one-ups Eric.
Uni gets in trouble and has to be rescued.
The kids pass up a chance to go home because someone in the Realm needs their help.
The kids' kindness and courage inspire another character to selflessness or generally do good.
The kids fight a monster that is actually in the D&D Monster Manual.
Hank uses his magic bow and arrow to do something utterly impossible and clearly not in the D&D manuals.
Sheila's kindness befriends someone useful to their cause.
Sheila is dead sexy.
She totally is.
And there it is. Man, I could so incredibly write my own D&D episode off of this list. Yeah, my hot and sexy D&D fanfic will start with something like:
Sheila: "Hank! The Cyclops ripped off all of my clothes!"
Too obvious? I'd suck at writing fanfic anyway. I'll just have to settle for watching the same three seasons of episodes over and over again.
William (D&D dude)
