Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
::Today's soundtrack: Razed in Black "Lie to Me" ::
The cake is a lie. Since I am telling about the cake on the internet, your first instinct should be that this so called cake is of course nonexistent. I truly do hope that everyone who pokes around on this here internet dealie has the sense to take everything they read/view with a grain of salt. If anyone can say anything about any topic regardless of fact or expertise, it really does dilute the odds of finding actual factual information. Who knows if what you’re reading holds water? For that matter, who knows if whoever claims to have authored it actually did? Of if that person actually exists and isn’t just some made up fake identity? I could write a totally bogus article about sperm whales claiming to be a world renown marine biologist and who knows how many people would think it’s legit? In addition, who knows who actually wrote this? You come to William’s Bloody Hell and assume some guy who claims to be William the Bloody wrote the rant, but how can you be sure? Maybe this William the Bloody guy got busy and subcontracted out half of his rants? Heck, maybe William the Bloody doesn’t even exist! Maybe he’s three different guys sharing this made up identity? Maybe “he’s” a 700 pound, 80 year old Asian woman in the Philippines? You just don’t know, do you?
This is one of the reasons for my “nonpersonification” policies when communicating over the interwebs. How do I know that who I’m talking to is actually who they say they are? Is this cute girl flirting with me really a girl or some fat guy with food stains on his Green Lantern t-shirt laughing at me? I still like to talk to people on the internets, but I do not envision them as anything in any way. I don’t try to think about the face behind the words. It doesn’t even occur to me to consider whether or not somebody might be a guy or a gal. The fact of it is, if I enjoy talking to someone, then it doesn’t really matter one way or the other if they’re male or female, fat or skinny, Swedish or Canadian, whatever.
I have a strict no face-to-face in real life policy so you can feel free to tell me you’re a super hot lingerie model if you want because I will never call you on it or ask for proof because I really don’t care about that. I know better than to believe completely what people have to say about themselves over the webs, especially when it comes to appearance. All I’m looking for are people who have something interesting to say and maybe similar opinions and interests. That's about it really.
Now, I don't know if any of you picture me when you visit this site, but I really, really, really hope you don't. That is not to say that I wouldn't be interested to know what you secretly envision me as, on the contrary. I think that would would be fascinating. Do you see some guy in a V for Vendetta costume sitting at a computer typing away? Or that goofy little cartoon guy in the comic strips? But, just in case I'm dealing with a clean canvas, I would like you all to know that I am a 6 foot 5 inch tall muscular Calvin Klein underwear model, all buff and tan with ripply, broad shoulders and buttocks so tight I can crack a walnut. Just in case you needed something to go on. All 100% true. As true as everything on the internet is, anyway.
William the Bloody (the handsomest guy you will never meet)
