Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
:: Today's soundtrack: Franz Ferdinand "I'm Your Villain" ::
I bet many of you come to this site and wonder "gee Mr. the Bloody, how can someone who feels so strongly about rights and freedoms and democracy be a super villain out for world domination? It just doesn't add up!" Well, the long and short of it is this: dominating the world is easier than saving it, or maybe even "I have to conquer it in order to save it" kind of thing. Yeah, that sounds good. Let's go with that. I'm like Magneto in the original Marvel Secret Wars story line. The Beyonder had separated everyone by their desires and intentions and he put Magneto in with the heroes and not the villains. Magneto has tried to take over the world, yes, but not for money, or ego or glory like someone along the lines of Dr. Doom. Magneto tries to take over the world because he wants world peace. Or something.
You see, I really do want to save the world. But, if you think about it, saving the world includes a set or rules you have to follow because you have to respectful of other cultures and not set on corporations' toes or else they'll put a stop to you, and all that crap. I could join the military and try to restore order that way, but then I'd have to take orders from the government and I don't think I'd want to be the puppet of a corrupt institution like that. But it isn't all about world order. There is also disease and such and I'm no biologist or geneticist and so I can't cure any diseases or create amazing medical advances. I'm not famous so if I try to raise awareness of important world wide issues who is going to listen to me? But I'd like to do or help with all of these things, so for a while I was doing the only thing I could think to do: giving monies to various charities and organizations who can spread awareness and do real help for real issues.
Yes, I do want to make poverty history, and Doctors Without Borders are a must, and the whales and the rainforests and the clean air, and America's Farmers are in trouble, and yes, equality now would be great, and if only there would be an end to the violence and genocide in Darfur, and the Alaskan Timberwolves are dying, and they want to drill for oil in Teddy Roosevelt's head so I have to donate to put a stop to that nonsense, and I give and give and give to feed, and house, and clothe, and rescue and hope that maybe my donations will help to save everything. But then my wide eyed naiveté gets crushed when I learn the awful truth about organizations like PETA and how they firebomb animal shelters for having small cages and the March Dimes while having many worthwhile causes like the prevention of birth defects also have very strong "pro-life/anit-choice" stances which I don't think should be encouraged and so I'm left crestfallen at the idea that I might have been doing any good at all by giving my money away.
What was I to do? The world is a mess and someone's got to save it. I tried. I thought if I gave smart, responsible, and globally recognized organizations funding I could have helped everyone. Alas, it turns out many of these organizations are as corrupt as any government. They probably didn't start out that way decades ago, but over time these honourable charities turned into corporations and I've never trusted a corporation to do the right thing with my money. The only recourse was the obvious one. World Domination. If I take over the world, if I'm the ruler of everything, then everyone HAS to listen to me. I can use my mutant chicken armies to put an end to the genocide and religious persecution. I'll be able to hand out fitting punishments to companies who do not abide by environmentally conscious manufacturing practices (China's getting a complete overhaul) and reward those who do. I'll give more funding to education, the arts, and scientific research on debilitating diseases, since I can easily grow and maintain my armies (you wouldn't believe how inexpensive chickens as opposed to a human army). All of this and I'll be able to live out my life long dream of getting my face on the world's currency. It's win-win!
So, join me, won't you? I'm looking to subdivide the Earth into small, manageable sections and if you pledge your fidelity to me as you unquestioned ruler I'll make you Governor of a chunk of the globe. The Vatican is mine and some portions already have dibs, but let me know what you want and I'll see what I can do. To my loyal followers go the spoils!
William the Bloody (post-crisis origin story)
