Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
:: Today's soundtrack: Morrissey "Jack the Ripper" ::
You know how if you travel on a public bus you have to keep an eye out for the one crazy guy? Or how about that dude blathering on to no one in no language and keeps swatting at his own head? Yeah, these guys are mad as a hatter, but in a good way. You know, the not-a-danger-to-society way. Unfortunately for all of us, the scary crazy types are NOT as obvious as the homeless lady with a shopping cart full of stray cats. No, more often than not the loonies you should really fear are the ones in the Polo shirts when they get carted off by the police and everyone says "he was such a nice young man." Nice for a maniac with eight freezers full of dead bodies. How do you keep a wary eye out for such a person? Well, here's....
William's How to Spot a Psychopath:
Over thirty and still lives with his parents.
Refers to his parents as "Mother" and "Father" or worse "the Colonel."
Has more than just a passing interest in taxidermy.
Knows what a "radian" is.
Knows your daily routine down to the minute (including how long you spent in the shower that morning) even though he's just a casual acquaintance.
Knows exactly what you bought at the grocery store the last time you went.
Thinks you're his best friend even though the extent of your relationship is saying hello as you pass each other.
Has a list as long as your leg of childhood pets who disappeared under "mysterious circumstances."
Keeps to himself.
Thinks small children exiting a school bus would make for excellent target practice.
Can go from zero to hysterical in thirty seconds over what most people would consider a minor issue.
Talks out loud to himself or inanimate objects.
Has one door in his home that is locked at all times.
Very particular about everything in his home being its place.
Always has the blinds drawn.
Has held many jobs at several different health care facilities.
He seems to be abnormally effected by the moon.
He is overly religious to an extreme point, believing that all people are dirty sinners or similar.
He has a preoccupation with fire that can only be described as "odd."
Has a barrel of acid/lye on his property for no apparent reason.
Keeps a length of rope, piano wire, a sledge hammer and a shovel in the back seat of his car.
Has a room furnished entirely in a leather of indiscernible origin.
Likes to feel smart or superior.
Has a fixation with firearms or knives.
There you go, kids... over twenty warning signs! Please keep in mind that any one person having oh say two or three of these characteristics is not necessarily a homicidal maniac, as there are are varying degrees of weirdness in all people and certain amounts are normal. However, one person having say, five or more of these attributes should be tread around carefully if not all together avoided. And if you get someone who exhibits fifteen or more, bolt the door and call the authorities right this minute!! There's probably a man dressed in a white coat with a butterfly net and a cattle prod looking for this guy as we speak.
William (the killer in you)
