Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
:: Today's soundtrack: Concrete Blonde "Bloodletting" ::
So, I saw Van Helsing recently. This film made realize a growing trend in vampire movies. All NEW vamp films need to come up with a fun, interesting new way to off vampires. It's as thought they think no one will go to see their film unless they offer some new vampire death advancement. Don't get me wrong though. I think this is a fine idea.
Just look at the amazing new vamp-dusting technologies available! Blade gave us the anticoagulant bullet. Underworld delivered the UV bullet. Van Helsing has the "holy hand grenade" thing there, but I don't know if I could get on board with the SILVER stakes. Silver?? Come on now. Call me old school here if you will, but I think a stake needs to wooden to work, there smarty. But besides that faux pas, the films sure have come a long way from the traditional staking, beheading with garlic in the mouth, and fire.
So here's my nifty vampire offing idea. A pointed wood cross-bow bolt, a la Buffy, right? Well here's my innovation on that basic idea. How about a jury rigged bolt that unfolds after it hits its target, into a cross? Eh? Eh? That way, even if you miss the heart, which is the only death blow, it turns into a cross, which will catch fire when in contact with a vamp, and spread onto said vamp. So now your vamp is preoccupied with being ablaze, which gives you time to move in and administer the final strike. Pretty clever, huh?
Also, if holy water hurts so bad, why not holy weapons? I mean, sure it's been done with holy armies hunting vamps and whatnot, but they've never done anything by way of sacred weaponry have they? They could have their swords or whatever blessed by the Pope, Dhali Llama or other bottomlessly holy guy so that the weapon delivers that delightful holy sting. As we all know, regular bullet or sword won't do any permanent damage, and your older vampires will probably heal from those types of wounds in seconds. A small blessing on the weapon however, would deliver wounds of searing, sizzling pain. Groovy.
