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Rants >> Rant 249

::Today's soundtrack: The Killing Joke "Eighties" ::


So, I was farting around on YouTube the other day.... oh like you don't. Stop acting all high and mighty. Everyone does it. It's practically why it's there. Um. Yeah. And well, a video somehow related to what I was looking through came up on the side and I decided to check it out and so on into infinity until I have no idea how I came across it but I did. Some dude had put together a top ten list for 1980s cartoon theme songs and I was like "Hells yeah, my brotha" because that's how I sound in my head. Kind of like Mr. T. So, I watch this thing, and I had to heartily disagree with some of his selections. Maybe it's because I watched different shows, and maybe I also had a different idea of what constituted a "theme song." I mean, Dungeons & Dragons while all kinds of awesome, doesn't really have a theme song so to speak. I would also have to discount anything that was based on a movie and thereby used the movie's theme, like (the Real) Ghostbusters and Beetlejuice. After taking these aspects into consideration, I present to you for no reason other than my own satisfaction, My Top Ten 1980s Cartoon Theme Songs with convenient YouTube links to allow you to first hand experience the radical-ness of it all (yeah, these links are external and we all know the temperaments of YouTube, so I can't guarantee these links will work forever)!!

10. Galaxy High. I know, you're all thinking what the hell is Galaxy High?? Well, it's pretty much exactly what it sounds like it is. Man, that "computer" voice doing the opening is such stereotypical 80s fare, I love it!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=hGkvaIbcbkI

9. G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero. Yanno, a great many of the 1980s cartoons had quite a bit of series explanation in their openings, didn't they? But they'll still fight for freedom wherever there's trouble and all that. You only see her for about a tenth of a second, but day-umn The Baroness is smokin'.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=5YjfGex5JHY

8. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. So, when the evil Shredder attacks, these turtle boys won't cut him no slack, just FYI. Love how simply repeating Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles three times is considered song writing. I wonder how they determined three as the acceptable number of repetitions? I suppose four is just plain too many but two doesn't quite drill it home enough.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=qI0FbYe3lRE

7. Transformers. Coz they're robots in disguise! And who are the Autobots waging their battle against? That's right, the evil forces of the Decepticons. How do I know? The theme song told me. There's that "computer" voice thing again.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=_AIFoBRIny0&feature=related

6. Danger Mouse. He's fantastic! He's amazing! And where ever there is danger he'll be there! The show has that oddball British humour, but good gravy that theme conquers all!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=PrM0E9pag8E

5. Inspector Gadget. Strikingly simple and straightforward, this is was an incredibly effective theme song. Let's not all pretend as though the familiarity of this theme isn't the entire reason the live action movie was made, okay, because it totally was.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=iKeE3saeguY

4. Pole Position. Maybe it's the whole "...in the danger zone!" line, but the singer guy sounds waaaay like he's trying to sound like Kenny Loggins. Regardless, I used to love this theme and it's still annoyingly 80s style catchy. What was that pet thing they had anyway? An opossum??

http://youtube.com/watch?v=zj55mHD2Pes

3. Thundercats. Can you feel the magic? Hear the roar? That's right, Thundercats are loose!!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Y-sOaUAgbB4

2. Silver Hawks. Wings of silver, nerves of steal, baby! Tally Hawk!! The show to me was kind of a second rate Thundercats in space kind of formula, but the theme is wicked! I still despise that Copper Kid ....thing. And fucking Blue Grass. I'm'a smash that gee-tar over your head.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=mzAQu23t19A&feature=related

1. Galaxy Rangers. The awesometer just exploded! This was the greatest cartoon theme of the 1980s, hands down! Also, the best Saturday morning cartoon basically, you know, ever. Anyone who tries to tell me Goose was not the balls is going to get murdered. No guts, no glory!!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=HMpsAmWbSJg

Yes, all you ladies out there are screaming "what about JEM?! She's truly outrageous?" Well, suck it, bitches, is all I have to say to that. If any one creates a similar list and doesn't put Galaxy Rangers in the top spot, they are dirty liars. That's all there is to it. But, now that I've got you all nostalgic for 1980s goofiness, I want you to write a paper comparing and contrasting the opening to He-man and the Masters of the Universe and She-Ra Princess of Power. Show your work.

William the Bloody (into these worlds of unknown danger)