Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
:: Today's soundtrack: Depeche Mode "Photographic (Some Bizarre Version)" ::
Alright, hands up who doesn't like to have their photo taken? It should be obvious that I am one of those people, what with there being no actual pictures of me anywhere on this website and the internet at large. I'm not too preoccupied by my appearance; my hair is short and wash and go, I don't spend hours deciding on clothes and outfits, et cetera. I just don't think I look like myself in photographs. There's something about them that makes me self conscious in a way I'm normally not, so I prefer to not have photos of me taken in order to avoid feeling bad about myself in ways I can't explain or even fully understand myself.
So, you can imagine how annoying it is when people I know, who have known me for over a decade, and are well aware of my dislike of having my picture taken try to take one anyway. I don't mind if they ASK. That's perfectly fine and I rather like that they had the decency to ask before doing. Something along the lines of: "Hey, Will, can I get a picture?" "I'd rather not." "Okay. Just checking." is great. It shows they care about my feelings. It's when someone yells "HEY WILL!!" and I turn around only to be blinded by a flash in the face that it REALLY bothers me. I mean, come on, be serious.
Also, there's the people who try to sneak a photo of me without my knowing. I just want to say to all of you people who do that: I KNOW YOU'RE DOING IT. I can tell that your demeanor has changed and you're attempting to get a snap of me from over a guy's shoulder where you think I can't see your camera, but I know perfectly well what you're doing and I don't appreciate it one bit. Does it make you guys feel all clever or something to do what you know I don't want you to do supposedly behind my back? I've told you time and time again that I loathe to have my picture taken, that I really honestly do not like it and yet here you are doing it anyway. But, you think I don't know so that makes it okay? Is that ever the case with anything?
This age of mobile phones with cameras in them have made these sneak-a-photo people even bolder because now it's not a camera in their hand, it's a phone and they can act like they're using for one of its myriad other functions when sneaking a photograph. I still see you, though. I see that you've got your phone in your hand on your knee and now you've tilted it forty-five degrees and oh look your finger just twitched to press a button. I WONDER what THAT was all about. Big mystery! Just because I'm across the room at the bar and you're still at the table doesn't mean that my eagle vision doesn't spot that camera phone pointed in my direction. Most people don't hold it that far from their head when making a call. Just because the flash is turned off doesn't mean I don't have a clue, so please for the love of god and your own body, stop taking my damn picture!
And I know all about you "capturing the moment" types out there. Don't worry, I'm all for capturing moments... but just the important ones! Like when my sister got married, I was in the family photos posed by the photographer. When my parents had their thirtieth wedding anniversary and all they wanted from us kids was a photo of us all together, I'm not going to say no to something like that. But when it comes to being goofy in a pub, I don't feel up to capturing that particular moment, thanks. Sorry, but it's true. Just because you don't agree with me doesn't give you the right to take my photo against my will or without my knowledge.
So, I just want to say to you people out there--- you know who you are. You've known me for years and are well aware of my No Photo Policy and yet you do it anyway. Why do you do that, is what I want to know. I've asked you not to do it repeatedly. This is not news to you. I just want to know why you think it's okay to go against my wishes for something as stupid as a photograph. I know you're trying to sneak them, okay? I KNOW. So, can you guess how that makes me feel about you? It makes me think you don't care. It makes me think you don't care about me or my feelings on anything. It would be like me making you a strawberry birthday cake when I know you're allergic to strawberries. "I know it's your birthday and that you can't have strawberries, but I made a cake you can't eat anyway! Aren't I clever! Ha ha!" That wouldn't make me a very good friend, would it? So, in closing, I want to say, on behalf of all people who don't like having their photo taken, KNOCK THAT SHIT OFF. Thank you.
William (photophobic)
