Our founder, Sir Bloody William Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William. He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This image was rumoured to have been commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!

Pointer   February 2011 SOTM

Pointer   Found a CD? Click here!

Pointer, small  Pointer, small   Home :: Contact :: Art :: Reviews :: Rants :: Misc. :: Fine Print :: Links
Rants >> Rant 149

:: Today's soundtrack: Stinky Wizzleteats "Happy Happy Joy Joy" ::


I was back up across the border in Canada this past week. I was up there for a show, and luckily I was able to get a hotel room less than a kilometer from the arena, so I was able to walk to and from and leave my car at the hotel. On my evening stroll between here and there I took in a bit of the city and was startled by how clean and nice it was.

Seriously, the pedestrians and motorists are not as aggressive as you would find in an American city. There is no constant blare of car horns. No one pushing or shoving. They all cheerfully yield the right of way and allow you to pass. Not only this, but also there was not a speck of litter in sight! No Styrofoam coffee cups or hamburger wrappers drifting pathetically down the avenue walkways. Not even a discarded cigarette butt!! Sounds kind of lovely and ideal doesn't it? Well, naturally this creeped me out to no end and left me to draw either one of two conclusions about Canada:

ONE: They put some sort of sedating/mood elevating chemicals in the drinking water. Wouldn't that explain the almost Stepford Wives-esque demeanor of the residents? They're so eerily cheerful and gosh darn... pleasant (shudder!), what else could possibly be? How about....

TWO: Canada has some sort of horrifically fiendish and secret form of extreme punishment for even minor law infractions the citizens are paranoid and scared into obedience. THINK ABOUT IT! A vast system of labyrinthine tunnels stretching to every corner of every province that there is no escape from the extreme wrath of the totalitarian Canadian government! Oh sure, they LOOK all pleasant from the outside, but this is a deep, dark internal secret no outsider shall ever know! The world will never get wind of the  terrifying disciplinary action which takes place just beneath the surface! Not since the Nazi domination of the European Jewish community have such unspeakable forms of depravity been performed on our fellow human beings! OH THE HUMANITY!!

Well, it's either one of those, OR there's a small child who can read their minds and he forces them to think happy thoughts and do nice things or else he uses his awesome reality warping powers to turn them into ghastly nightmare creatures.... but THAT would be silly.

William (I'm afraid of Canadians, I'm afraid I can't help it)