Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
:: Today's soundtrack: Rick James "Superfreak" ::
I recently watched the film Little Miss Sunshine and although I did quite enjoy the movie, do you know what it reminded me of? It had the unfortunate honor of reminding me how much little girl beauty pageants creep me the fuck out.
I can get on board with what I can only assume was the original concept of the child pageant. Some little girls enjoy playing dress up and put on the pretty fairy, ballerina, or Disney Princess costume and show it off. Also, some children enjoy being the center of attention. Some parents are also quick to put their child in the spotlight. The best and most constructive way to deal with all three of these issues is the child pageant where your kid can wear a cute outfit, parade around on stage, have people "aww" over how adorable they are, and mom and dad can beam from the audience while she sings "Part of Your World" or twirls her baton. Yes, I'd much rather all this be done in such an outlet than be thrust unexpectedly on unsuspecting dinner guests (Yes, I have actually visited someone and been forced to listen to their daughter play "Under the Sea" on piano against my will. It was my own private Guantanamo Bay type torture). So, IN THEORY and ORIGINAL DESIGN little girl pageants seem okay.
Unfortunately, the reality of the situation is far more freakish. The reality of it all is that at these child pageants where SIX AND SEVEN YEAR OLD girls compete, the contestants are swept up into the same realm of beauty pageant competition as full grown women, and that, my friends, is where it crosses the line. We are talking about first grade girls with spray on tans! A six year old wearing more make up and hair spray than a fifty year old Brooklyn prostitute! Elementary school girls who take part in SWIMSUIT COMPETITIONS AND PAD THEIR BRAS. You read that correctly: seven year olds padding. A cold, dark shiver runs up my spine at the very thought.
You know, here I thought girls have a hard enough time with body image issues when they hit they're teens as it was. Why on earth would anyone want to foist this on them even earlier? Can't they just enjoy being young and (horror!) flatchested and freckled and completely oblivious to harsh criticism and comparisons? And that's what the movie Little Miss Sunshine reminded me of. The lead character, little girl Olive loves to take part in these girl pageants, and to me, she's got it right. She's just a little girl who likes to dress up, dance around and have some fun. All of the other girls however take it all too seriously with their intricate talent displays and elaborate hair styles and make up. Why can't they too just smile and have a good time? Why do they have to wear false eyelashes and tape their butt cheeks together to achieve a tight looking ass (there's another cold shiver...)? Why can't these little girls compete as little girls instead of diminutive versions of bulimic, collagen injected, phony and pretentious twenty-somethings? Every time an elementary school girl uses hairspray, another little part of the collective soul of humanity withers and dies.
William (a plea for world peace)
