Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
::Today's soundtrack: The Misfits "Astro Zombies" ::
As, you may or may not know, I live way up north in the continental United States, in the White Mountain region of New Hampshire. Yes, if you imagine in you mind's eye post cards of New England painted in yellows and orang
es in the autumn and delightfully snow covered in the winters, with syrup buckets hanging off the maple trees in the spring time, that is where I live. I get to see those things in real life, and it is loverly. One of my favourite things about where I live is all the mountains. Not only are they very pretty, but they also provide security. We will never have a tornado here and by the time hurricanes get manage to get in the worst is over. The mountains provide a natural barrier around this immediate area that is difficult to penetrate, which also makes it a sweet place to defend against the zombie apocalypse (ah, there it is. that's where I was going with this. did you see it coming?).
My recent viewing of the film Zombieland once again got me to pondering the natural behaviour of zombies. They made good use of it in the film, see. Whenever Woody Harrelson's character would go into a shop for supplies, he'd make a bit of noise at the entry in order to get any zombies hiding in the place to come into view. Get them to come to him now rather than be surprised later. This was a nice touch, I thought. It made me think about something else later on in the film. When the characters are in Beverly Hills, the downtown area is infested with zombies, but then they go looking at celebrity homes up in the hills and there are no zombies around. This got me to thinking: in the normal, idle time of a zombie, its only goal is to eat. It has no other motivation to do anything else. It takes some sort of stimuli, be it a sound, flickering light, or movement, to get a zombie interested in changing its course in the hopes that there will be food when it gets there. Since zombies aren't naturally stimulated to go anywhere without the hope of finding food (they wander aimlessly, if you will), I have come to the conclusion that zombies will take the path of least resistance unless there is something to entice them otherwise. Therefore, it is a zombie's natural inclination to meander DOWNHILL unless is receives a stimulus attracting its attention up hill. You follow me?
Based on this idea, a hilly and mountainous region, such as the one in which I live, is a great place to set up against the zombie apocalypse. For starters, the White Mountain range has some of the highest peaks in the northeast. I very much doubt that a zombie would have the ambition to start at the bottom of one side of these mountains, climb all the way over it and come down on my side. Most living people don't even have that determination, and many experienced hikers manage to run afoul of mother nature in there even when using a trail. My particular area way up north has the added benefit of being totally surrounded, and on all sides is bordered by what we call "Notches." These are narrow mountain passes consisting of tightly winding valleys and jagged basins. If zombies want to try to get into my region through these areas, they would likely stick to the low areas, and most likely to keep to the roads. This would make them easy targets for when they emerge on the populated side. Also, these secluded valleys get pockets of horrifically nasty weather. If you get caught in there on foot during a snow storm, you will take a beating, especially if you're a mindless zombie who by definition lacks common sense and is in there without so much as a jacket (really, don't these zombies have mothers?).
Now, I am hoping that if/when the zombie apocalypse happens that my region is secluded enough from any sort of major metropolitan area that even though the part protected by the mountains and notches is a large area, that the population in here would pull together as an extended community with a manageable number of citizens. Provided we can overcome the stereotype that even during the zombie apocalypse man's greatest enemy is still man, we can take advantage of the natural geographic protection and maintain a society.
Though even if we don't manage to keep up a society and maintain security posts at the notch roads, my more immediate area is still a geographically sound place in which to reside during a zombie infestation. For starters, still have nice mountains (though admittedly not as high as the slightly more far-off Presidentials which comprise the majority of the imposing peaks of the notch areas) on all sides and right in the middle of the residential area is a major hill. The two main roads up this hill are steep and treacherous (I know, I have no idea who laid out this town in such a way). Setting up shop in any home up there would mean few zombie run-ins due to their natural inclination to wander down hill, unless I were to draw attention to myself in some way. Also, the population in the immediate area is relatively low, so if I were to kill at least 20 zombies a day I could have it pretty cleaned out in about two years, and that's if I'm working all alone.
And if I were to get REALLY desperate, I could pack up and stash myself in the Mount Washington Observatory. It is a short drive and the highest peak of the northeast with a little scientific research station perched at the top for recording weather conditions and such. In case you don't know, Mount Washington has some of the harshest weather in the whole world and THE fastest recorded wind speeds on the face of the Earth.... 231 mph. So, a zombie WALKING up this mountain AND not getting knocked on its ass and LITERALLY blown away by the torturous winds? Not bloody likely. And even then, the building is made of metal and concrete, with a front latch which can withstand 100 mph winds so I don't think a zombie beating on it will so much as budge it. Plus, they have pet kitties. My main problem would be not being able to leave the summit for six months due to being snowed in and all. I'll have to stock up on peanut butter.
William the Bloody (writes more about zombies than any sane person should)
