Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
:: Today's soundtrack: Skinny Puppy "Pro-Test" ::
I was at the cinema the other day. Yeah, I know, you're all so very shocked 'cause, you know, I never talk of these things called films. Nope. Anyway, I was at the theater, and the lights dimmed and I get all eager for the feature to start and to see what cool looking trailers there might be. Unfortunately, all of my viewing enjoyment is preempted by freaking commercials. Son of a bitch, right? It seems like every time I go out to the movies there are more and more stupid-ass advertisements before the main feature. You know, I don't mind trailers. I even like them. I'm a movie buff of sorts, and here I am, at the movies, so, sure, sell me some more movies, please. I can get that. What I despise are the adverts for hybrid cars. National Guard reserve recruitment attempts (Seriously, how many new recruits do our armed forces receive because of some ad in the theater? Who's going to make a life decision like that based on a commercial they saw at the movies?? Come on now. Let's not be silly.). This last time, I was treated to no less than three Pepsi Max commercials in a row. Yeah, one after another of those silly adverts of people yawning followed by a disturbingly loud tagline of "WAKE UP, PEOPLE!!!!!" Three times. In a row. Stop. Just stop it, please. I wasn't going to buy your lame "energy" cola before, and I'm certainly not going to buy it now that you've bombarded me with your not so subtle advertising campaign. It's getting to the point where there are more commercials before the feature film than trailers, which I find disturbing. And often it's not a one minute ad, either. No, at the theater they hit you with the "full length", unedited, two minute and thirty second ads. The fuck? If I wanted to watch a movie with commercials, I'd wait for it to be on cable television. Hey, now that I think about it, I'd probably get LESS ads if I watched the same movie on HBO or Showtime channel or some such. They don't have commercial breaks in their movie airings, neither do DVD rentals, for that matter. That's right, you theater establishments are making movie going LESS fun by cramming ten minutes worth of ads before you even get to the trailers, that an avid film buff like me is so disheartened as to withhold my patronage in favour of my own living room, where I know the bathroom is clean, there will be no screaming kids, and the seat is more comfortable, but most importantly, ad free if I wanna be. I'm going to leave you alone for a while now, movie theater, so that you have some time to think about what you've done. When you're ready to apologise, I'll be waiting.
William (conflict of interest)
