Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
:: Today's soundtrack: Leonard Cohen "I'm Your Man" ::
You ladies have it good. I mean there are simply certain things a man cannot do because people will get the wrong idea about him. Women, though, you can do or wear or accessorize with either women's or men's stuff and it's all good. There are, however, things a man can't do, no matter how convenient it is or good it does, just because it is more associated with women than men.
Example: carrying stuff around with you all day. When I go out, typically I have a number of items with me. I carry a camera, a pager, a wallet, some spare change, a massive ring of keys, sunglasses, USB memory stick with work related information on it, Sirius satellite radio, gum, and more. I don't think I'm the only man on Earth with this problem, yet there is a stigma around men and purses. WHAT? It'd be bloody convenient as all hell! Yeah, yeah, men and brief cases have been fine for ages, but that isn't really the best option for stuff I'm going to use and put away or show people frequently. Getting in and out of a brief case is not easy if you don't have somewhere to set it down first. And yes, messenger bags have FINALLY broken through to mainstream use, but the items I have with me aren't very big, so a bag of that size would be unnecessary size over kill (as well as kind of difficult on days when I'm going to meetings and also need to carry my laptop bag and briefcase full of work papers). Why can't I carry around a small leather bag to hold my little, but numerous travel items? Why would this get me laughed at and allow open season for my coworkers to take the mickey out of me?
Another thing is someone like me who does quite a bit of home improvement work. I'm frequently known to saw woods, cut tiles, and install various fixtures. Working with your hands like this can leave them dry, chapped and peeling. Yet, all of the moisturizers out there are targeted to women and thus smell like flower gardens. It is not too cool for a manly man such as myself (shut up) to go out smelling of daisies. Why do they make it so wrong for us guys to take care of our skin by making moisturizing products reek of perfume and therefore femmey? I shouldn't have to endure sidelong looks for wanting to keep my skin from hanging off of my palms and heck, if a guy wants to have silky smooth elbows, what's so weird about that?
And let's not forget (as Marshall said) the odd looks a guy gets if he should order an elaborate, fruity alcoholic beverage. Heaven help you if you're out in public and feel like having and exotic drink decked out with umbrellas, squiggly straws, fruit wedges and orange rinds all over it. For some reason, only women and gay guys can get away with drinking these delicious drinks outside of their own living rooms. Unfortunately, not everyone owns an ice crusher or a broad selection of liquors (yes, I do in fact have both, and it can be argued it's because of this very reason), so making one at home isn't always easy or the best tasting result. If you're out on the town and want a professional to mix you one of these fancy drinks, your chances of meeting a girl and getting her number are slim to none because she will not meet your eye or else think you're gay. So, naturally, a man's instinct to want sex will outweigh his want for fruit flavoured cocktail, no matter how yummy that drink might be. Thusly, men feel they "can't" enjoy these fun beverages in public.
Then of course, there is the colour pink. Women wearing blue? Fine. Men wearing pink? Kinda weird. Admit it.
I think it's high time a straight guy shouldn't have to think about arched eyebrows in his direction for ordering a June Bug at a pub. Why should we feel the least bit odd for using moisturizing agents on our course, chapped skin? Let's stop this societal bias and allow the manly men to get away with wearing pink! Why are these prejudices still hindering us? Is this not the "information age"? Let us toss away the shackles holding us back from convenience and carry purses, dammit! You know you want to. You know you've thought about it. So, why not?!
William (wants a man-purse)
