Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
:: Today's soundtrack: Evanescence "Imaginary" ::
Well, I had decided to make a movie double feature the other day, and rented 2 versions of Phantom of the Opera, which I think is an awesome story. I rented the silent version starring Lon Chaney and also the 1998 Dario Argento one. I had seen the silent movie before, and it gets better and more impressive every time. I hadn't seen the Argento interpretation, but was familiar with him and thought how bad could it be?
Answer: ridiculously bad. It was like watching 4 movies at one time, which were mutually exclusive. So the phantom didn't wear a mask and was handsome, I suppose I can deal. But my God the subplots.
Discussing this film afterwards, made me realize that perhaps the movie could be saved with some artful editing. If we could just cut the fat, sure the movie would be about 70 minutes long, but it would be a heck of a lot better. Cut out the dirty rat-catchers. Cut out anything having to do with rats. Cut out that slack-jawed couple on a treasure hunt. Cut out the would-be pedophile (don't ask). And voila. You're pretty well back on track to a genuine Phantom film.
What about other films? Could they be improved with some slight of hand in the editors room? Let's retool some classics.
Deer Hunter: Either transpose the wedding and the first hunting scene or try to trim out that wedding all together. This way the film is book-ended by the 2 hunting sequences.
The Two Towers: Edited for time my ass! Sure it's about 9 and a half hours long, but the expanded edition is the way to be, baby. Those Ent scenes shouldn't have been cut. Trimmed slightly maybe, but they belong in the film.
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: Hey I freaking love this movie, alright? But, that flash back between the princess and the highwayman is just too damn looooong! I had nearly forgotten what the plot of the film I had started out watching was. Keep it, but shorten the Hell out of it.
Scarface: All I can say is that scene at the end where he's got coke all over his face and brandishing an automatic weapon? I envision speeding that film up and putting it to the Benny Hill music.
Thank you and good night!
