Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
::Today's soundtrack: Depeche Mode "Personal Jesus" ::
This has probably been done loads of times before, but, what the hell, I'm going to do my own anyway. I want to make sure you are all aware of a man. A very brave and daring man who has risked his own life and limb just to make sure you and I can stay safe. A man who has performed more risky feats than Jackie Chan and is recognized the world over. I am of course referring to the legendary Stickman.
Quite often when a company wants to warn you of a danger in a vicinity or in use of a product, the use the ol' yellow triangle with and exclamation point inside with a brief write up on the issue. However, in the event that the viewer may not speak the language on the sign, or if the danger is just too great, then they use pictures to better explain it. That's when they call in Stickman.
Here is Stickman making sure we understand the dangers of using a ladder improperly:
I bet you didn't even know ladders came with instructions. Now you know better thanks to Stickman. Just so you know the sheer lengths Stickman will through to keep us safe:
Here he is allowing his leg to be torn off. And subsequently crushed:
Yes, I wasn't aware of the dangers inherent in playing in front of a road paver until Stickman provided this little demonstration. Sweet lord, I could get flattened! What was I thinking? Thank you, Stickman! If I can't repave to road because the machines are too dangerous, maybe I'll go for a bike ride.
Wait! If I go for a bike ride on broken pavement I could go flying from my bicycle?! Holy crap! That's twice I owe you my life and use of my legs, Stickman! Here's Stickman showing us the dangers involved when we might say "trust me, it'll be awesome!"
You could wind up falling from a digger and that's not fun! Here's Stickman making sure we all know to run from a fire:
Unfortunately, he didn't make it.
Despite being completely engulfed, he survived because Stickman is a trooper. In fact shortly after, he posed for a warning sign about rockslides.
Good gravy, he's just standing there! GET OUT OF THE WAY, MAN! He was crushed, but not in spirit! Eighteen months of physical therapy later, he felt the world needed to know about the ongoing peril caused by boxes:
Yes, certain boxes can tear you in half!! Also, some come with electricity inside them:
Thanks to Stickman, we all know about the tragedy which can befall us if we allow large boxes into our homes and lives. How is it that Stickman, after encountering so many physical hardships, one which chopped off his foot and another which tore him in half, could survive such torment? Well, he was attacked by God:
This did not kill Stickman. Rather, it gave him super powers! After this, he found he could deflect bullets with ease!
He even had a brief stint fighting evil. Stickman is seen here attempting to fend off Electror, the electrical elemental of evil!
This incident briefly mutated Stickman into a Real Boy, but, sadly, it wore off. His reversion from a Real Boy back into Stickman ruined his romantic life and Stickman fell a depression. Looking to try his hand at some serious acting instead of only PSAs, he joined his local community theater group. Here he is preparing for the title role in The Invisible Man:
The reviews of his performance were lackluster and disheartening. Stickman started to work in sleazy bars as a table and exotic dancer:
Support from his good friends and relatives brought Stickman out of his depression and after he started seeing a counselor, he returned to his life of posing for cautionary signs and warning labels. Remember, falling down stairs may not be fun, but someone has to do it so you won't hurt yourself.
Thank you, Stickman. Thank you for falling on that slippery floor. Thank you for getting crushed by that steamroller. Thank you for swimming in jellyfish infested waters. Thank you for doing all of these things so that I will know not to do them because I almost did. A few times.
William (safe and sound)
