Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
:: Today's soundtrack: Garbage "#1 Crush (Goth Mix)" ::
When you're an introverted, shy, and scary looking guy like myself, you oftentimes find yourself immersed in a world of books, movies and television (and sometimes Dungeons and Dragons). Instead of having a "real" life, you become lost in the imaginary. Severely lacking in social skills and the courage required to approach the opposite sex, the frightening inevitable happens.... you start to develop crushes on fictional characters. Here are some of the great, fictitious gals who got me to where I am today.
Sarah in Labyrinth. Before you start judging me on underage love, I just want to point out when this film was made and how old I was at the time, mmkay? She was just gorgeous and I was smitten with her dancing at the fantasy ball. My long-term love affair with Jennifer begins, as does my fixation with brunettes.
The Baroness from GI Joe. Girls with glasses are sexy. Doubly so if they got a foreign accent. Triple that for the brunette factor. Then quadruple it on account of being EVIL. And my goodness that outfit she goes traipsing about in! Ooh-la-la!
Death from the Sandman comics. Boy, did this one ever land me in a world of trouble. It was like someone went fishing around in my brain and yanked out my dream girl (er... no pun intended). A goth chick at the time I was just discovering "goth." A pale girl clad all in black but she's perky and fun and nice. Love at first site, but she wound up teaching me a few lessons about not needing to be a mopey and angsty fellow to be "goth."
Sheila from the Dungeons and Dragons cartoon. Yeah, she's a redhead, but she's got that mini skirt and thigh high boots in a medieval fantasy world. What's not to like?
Darlene on the Roseanne TV show. When Darlene became a teenager, she was depressed and full of angst. So was I. She started to wear black. So did I. She read comics, and not just ANY comics, Sandman comics (she had a poster on her wall, even!!)!! She started to write her own comic book, too! Talk about drool-worthy!
Arwen from The Lord of the Rings. Girls who have elf ears are so hot, it's ridiculous! Never mind the fair skin and dark hair, she was also outspoken and not a woman who would cower in a corner during a fight. Sign me up for the next war if it means meeting someone like her!
Okay, these are but a few of the "major players" in my young
past. This list could go on for quite some time, but I think you have enough to
laugh at me with just this. Oh, don't act all high and mighty; like YOU never
got a crush on someone who didn't actually exist.... or is it just me? Please,
tell me it's not just me...
William (in love with figments...)
