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Rants >> Rant 320

::Today's soundtrack: Jerry Goldsmith "Star Trek: The Next Generation Theme" ::


Recently, one of my local cable television channels has started showing old episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation in the evenings. I used to watch this program in my younger days with my parents but haven't seen any of them since their first run way back when. I used to really like it, so I started to watch these reruns for the fun of it. I started to notice a few recurring themes, events and sayings so have therefore compiled:

The Star Trek: The Next Generation Drinking Game

Take one drink every time:

    Captain Picard introduces himself as "Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the USS Enterprise."

    Captain Picard says "make it so."

    Captain Picard says "come!"

    Captain Picard says "engage."

    Data says "I have been programmed..."

    Deanna Troi says "I'm sensing..."

    Deanna Troi says "What do YOU think?"

    Worf says something about honor and/or battle

    Something happens to the warp coil

    The transporter cannot lock on or malfunctions in some way

    Riker goes on an away mission

    Data is asked to make some sort of calculation

    Wesley Crusher solves a complicated problem

    They have to combat some Romulans

    Guinan says something meaningful

    Guinan is wearing a ridiculous hat

    The Enterprise goes to "red alert"

    Somebody says "Captain?" quizzically

    Deanna Troi is seen wearing an outfit not very befitting a counselor

    The computer speaks

    We are being constantly updated on the status of various of the ship's systems

    Data does not comprehend some sort of human behaviour or saying

Take TWO drinks every time:

    Dr. Crusher and Captain Picard vaguely flirt

    Wesley Crusher moons over Captain Picard as a father figure

    Geordi La Forge whines about his eyes

    A Romulan Warbird uncloaks

    The Holodeck malfunctions

    Riker does something against normal Federation regulations and succeeds

    Deanna Troi's love of chocolate is seen or mentioned

    Data's cat is seen or mentioned

    The crew's poker game is mentioned

    Data says or does something goofy

    You find yourself hating Wesley Crusher

Prepare to get thoroughly soused if you're going to try this, so NO DRIVING or operating heavy machinery, mmkay, kids? Also, I wouldn't suggest doing this if you're settling in to view multiple episodes back-to-back unless you're dead set on a liver transplant.

William the Bloody (space cadet)