Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
:: Today's soundtrack: Talking Heads "Psycho Killer" ::
Ah, scary movies. I haven't jabbered on about them for a bit, so I guess I'm due. I'm looking at them in a sort of "analytical" sense right now. There's the typical ghost/possession films like the Shining, the Haunting and Amityville Horror where someone kills because the ghosts/possessed house told him to and they made a good argument. Also, you have your "revenge" movies like oh say Basket Case, My Bloody Valentine, or Nightmare on Elm Street where there's murdering for... yep... revenge. And of course there are horror movies that have the killins on account of some bizarre supernatural thingy needing to "feed" re: vampires, Jeepers Creepers, It, and that sort of dealie. But of course, these are all in these films' little particular niche. I've found that it can all be boiled down to three circumstances that are the main plot starters or causes of death in most horror movies of varying shapes and sizes that are not limited to films which are limited by their "niche": greed, selfless concern, or teen shenanigans.
1. Greed. More often than not, you'll have a small group of
people "treasure" hunting and oops! that ancient relic you picked up there
carries the Mummy's Curse. Or maybe the lead guy is greedy for power and hey
would you look at that? this Satanic ritual conjured something evil and nasty
from some nether region that will kill you all? You don't say. Or it could be
really simple and normal everyday greed where robbing a bank or something
similar causes the thieves to flee and stumble across foreboding circumstances.
It has been known to be the cause of many deaths just because somebody can't let
that briefcase full of money lay there and takes the time they should have used
running away going back to get it.
Plots set in motion by greed: Psycho, Alien
et al., The House on Haunted Hill, Leprechaun, Ghost Ship
Deaths due to greed:
Alien et al, Wishmaster, Jaws
2. Selfless concern. This one is more likely to cause some
deaths than the actual plot, but still worth mentioning due to frequency of
occurrence. How often have we witnessed a scene wherein an unsuspecting
character hears a noise, say, someone weeping, goes to investigate, and gets
hacked to bits by a sinister character hunched in the corner? There have been
plots motivated by selfless concern due to people's insistence on answering
stray distress calls or picking up that screwy hitchhiker. Or how about those
idiots who drag someone along after they've received an infected zombie bite
insisting they can be helped or cured? When will they learn?
Plots set in motion by selfless concern: Alien, An American Werewolf in Paris,
The Sixth Sense, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Hitcher
Deaths due to selfless concern: Dawn of
the Dead (2004), Ginger Snaps Back, The Exorcist
3. Teen shenanigans. Yes, I used the word "shenanigans." I
think we can all agree that this has been the cause of more bloodshed than
anything else in all scary movies combined. Damn those teens and their blasted
shenanigans! Why, if they'd have behaved themselves, they wouldn't currently be
chased by the guy they ran down on old mountain road, escaped lunatic of pure
evil, or their messed up half-brother seeking vengeance for their mother's lost
love.
Plots set in motion by/deaths due to teen shenanigans: Last House on the
Left, Friday the 13th, Halloween, Scream, I Know What You Did Last Summer, Texas
Chainsaw Massacre, The Lost Boys, April Fool's Day, Night of the Creeps, and
this list could go on for pages so I'll stop here.
Like I said, these are the main three which are not exclusive to films of a particular niche. I mean, yeah, the main causes of death in a zombie movie will be zombie attacks, but this sort of death is limited to zombie genre movies. My three stretch across those boundaries. Zombie plots, ghost stories, serial killer tales, and movies about rampaging aliens can all chalk up deaths due to these three things. I just thought it might be a point of interest... I like being observant; it almost makes me feel like I'm smart...
William (there's a formula to it!)
