Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
:: Today's soundtrack: Mono "Life In Mono" ::
This week's Rant: Women. I like women. They're soft, they smell nice, ... and things. Ahem. But, there are some stuff you ladies do for the sake of "attractiveness" that I will never for the life of me understand.
For starters, many of the women where I live "go tanning." In other words, they lie in a bed of ultraviolet light to purposefully darken their skin. I do not get this, mainly because it seems like many who do this take it too far. They're not just slightly darkening up so they don't look chalk white, they're tanning their hides like leather, which is what their skin is going to feel like in twenty years. Leather. They tan to point where it no longer looks like a natural skin tone, and I find the end result to be disturbing. Personally, I do like girls with pale skin, but that's probably just me and my goth-girl hang ups.
And then there are bottle blondes. Oh how it irks me when a perfectly hot brunette decides to go blonde! I don't understand the pro-blonde stigma of the world today, particularly in the entertainment industry. It just feels like so many actresses out there are blonde, and you can so completely tell that sixty percent weren't born that way. It's like some rare treat to get a cute brunette on a show. It's a crime against nature I say for brunettes to go blonde! Brunettes! Throw out that bleach, grow out your roots and reclaim your rightful hotness!!
Lastly, there's the trend of horrific thinness sweeping the world. No, I'm not saying I enjoy a blubbery babe, but neither do I find the figure of a broom handle to be a turn on. I mean if you're a 500 pound woman, yes you are overweight, and your health is in danger and that's bad, but the same can be said of the too thin. There are women out there who may be overweight by like 40 pounds and they stress out about it. I say relax. A little like that isn't bad; most wear it well. To me, it's all about the overall figure and proportions, the curvaciousness of a woman's body, if you will. A woman with the figure of a garden rake has no curves at all, heck, you can sometimes even make out their bone structure under their skin. This is not very appealing. It's pretty much the difference between season 1 & 2 Buffy and season 6 & 7 Buffy. Look at her in season 2 and she's just lovely, but my goodness in season 7 she was so thin it was unattractive (you could see her sternum ridges! ew!). The same thing happened with Anja on Buffy and all the girls on Friends. What happened? You were all perfectly cute and then you went and ruined it by becoming coat racks. Sorry, but the emaciated heroine addict look isn't doing it for you.
I guess what I'm saying is, for the most part, women underestimate their own natural beauty. You don't NEED to change the tone of your skin or hair colour, wear fifty pounds of make-up and empty a can of hairspray onto your head to be cute. You really don't.
Why do I have the feeling that I might get clawed to death for writing this?
William (likes a natural woman)
