Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
::Today's soundtrack: Paralysed Age "Bloodsucker" ::
I've figured it out. The main thing about Twilight that irks me so. It's the fact that Twilight is one of the latest works of fiction utilizing the recent "trend" of non-scary, people friendly vampires. I'm not blaming Twilight for this trend, just being party to it. I mean, I can't even put my finger on when it started exactly. These days we not only have the Cullen "family" but also the lead vamp in the Sookie Stackhouse series (otherwise known as True Blood on television), Angel on Buffy, the Vampire Slayer and so on. Did this all start with Louis's angsty "I don't want to feed off people" phase from Interview With the Vampire? Who can say. What I CAN say is right now this trend is going strong and that pisses me off.
See, vampires are supposed to be scary! Bela Lugosi starred as one of the Universal MONSTERS, not a Universal cuddly bunny. Yes, vampires are SEXY, but who says you can't be scary AND sexy? In fact, one of the "things" going for vampires in the sexy department IS sometimes the scary. Vampires are meant to be attractive people (in order to better lure in people to eat), practically perfect looking even, but just knowing that element of danger is there... the blood lust.... that they'd just as soon eat you as kiss you and sometimes both is pretty damn sexy. Look at all those old Christopher Lee vampire movies and tell me that those weren't sexy and scary. All those hot vampires, but killers just the same.
Oh, I know that ALL of the cute and cuddly vampires I mentioned earlier ALSO have killer, blood thirsty vampires in their stories. I mean, every other vampire besides Angel was a killer just looking to be staked, and both Bill Compton of True Blood and the Cullen clan are regarded as "weird" by the other vampires in their stories. Yes, the bad ass vamps are present, but guess what? THEY AREN'T THE MAIN ATTRACTION. People aren't getting into these stories to read about scary, blood sucking fiends terrorizing people, they are reading them to hear about the kind and gentle, good hearted vampire who dates the girl next door. And that, well, THAT makes me want to wretch.
And it's all well and good if you want a romance story with vampires in it, I'm not saying you can't have that. I mean, Dracula has been adapted to be just that many times over and yet still managed to keep the blood thirsty-ness. There is no such thing as a "good" vampire in a Dracula story, but you can still write it as a forbidden love-type story. Why do we have this trend in modern fiction to make our romantic lead male vampires, well, PUSSIES?
The parade of pussy vampire male leads has got to stop. Please, somebody out there, please listen to me and give the starring vampire his balls back. Give him long, bronze hair and piercing hazel eyes. Make his skin pale as alabaster and his shoulders strong. But above all, make him a stone-cold killer and make him like it. Make him beautiful but frightening. Make girls scared to be attracted to him because he could very well rip their throats out with his teeth. He's killed men, women, and children and enjoyed every minute, and who knows, she could be next. How is this scary vampire NOT sexy? Admit it: you were imagining him and you liked it. You were totally inserting yourself into his story and he's somebody I just made up! So what's the appeal of all these "neutered" male vampires? Why are the vampires with virtually zero danger element such a hot ticket? After you get done watching Vampire Diaries, let me know would you?
William the Bloody (bloodsucking fiend)
