Our founder, Sir Bloody William Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William. He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This image was rumoured to have been commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!

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Rants >> Rant 165

:: Today's soundtrack: Violent Femmes "Eep Opp Ork Ah Ah" ::


Week before last I was talking about the past, present and possible future and this got me to thinking: just where the hell is my flying car?! Or my robot butler? Or push-button, fully automatic home? Forty or fifty years ago we all were promised astounding advancements in technology and we're STILL waiting for them to deliver!

In the 1950s, everywhere you turned the media presented the years 1999 and 2000 as the exciting land of tomorrow. They swore that we would have automated kitchens that would cook our dinners for us, personal rocket packs, and colonies on the moon. Well? Where the heck is all of that? Did scientific progress suddenly slow down? Why can't I go away for a two week holiday on Mars? Gosh darn it, fifty years ago they said I would be able to by now!

Do you realize the 1965 television series Lost in Space takes place in the year 1997? Clearly they thought 30 years was all that would be needed to send a whole family to colonize freaking Alpha Centuri (4 light years away!) and we haven't even colonized the moon yet! NASA needs to get off its lazy ass and start terraforming the moon, pronto!

Okay, so maybe space travel and other heavenly body colonization is too far off. How about that robot butler, then? Come on, I saw Short Circuit, I know it can be done, so quit holding out on me! I want a robot with tank treads that obeys my commands. I shall name him "Victor" and have him fetch me my newspaper and bring me glasses of iced tea in summertime. He would make for the perfect straight man for my witty banter and reply to my anecdotes "good show, sir!" Okay, so nearly every scenario fleshed out by science fiction writers has a world with subservient robots in it ending in tears and bloodshed, but damn it who else is going to bring me my iced tea?!

Science needs to stop finding ways to put cameras in things that don't need them and get its act together with the flying car. "Hey, my mobile phone shoots video, takes pictures can access the internet, has a day planner and plays cool ringtones!" "Well, my car fucking flies, jackass, how about that?!" See? I got my snappy comeback all lined up. Now all I need is the actual flying car and I'll be set! Come on science and futuristic technology, don't fail me now!

William (sci-fi guy)