Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
:: Today's soundtrack: Marty Casey "Hit Me Baby One More Time" ::
I have this... secret, and I am so ashamed. After all the poking and prodding and general ridiculing of reality-based-game-shows, I had to begrudgingly admit that I have found one I like. No, not like. Adore. And it pains me to have to say that this program is ROCKSTAR INXS.
I didn't even tune in the first few weeks it was on as it had all the ear marks of being an American Idol rip-off. One Tuesday evening I was doing... I don't remember... something in my living room and I turned on the telly for a bit of background noise (I can't stand total silence). It just happened to be set on CBS, and it just happened to be Rockstar INXS on. Honestly, a complete accident. So, I was listening to show while I was doing whatever (reading, maybe?) and it struck me that the performances were really good. It wasn't mindless bubblegum pop with generically synthesized music. No, it was honest to goodness rock 'n' roll performed by a live house band. Songs like "Purple Haze," "You Really Got Me," "Paint it Black," "Live and Let Die," "We Will Rock You," "Lithium," and "Rock the Casbah," which you would never in a million years hear on a show like Idol.
So, I started to watch it every week for the lovely performances and to see who would do what classic rock 'n' roll song. It was fun to critique the contestants efforts and interesting to hear their individual takes on these songs as they are given free reign to work out original arrangements with the house band, if they so desire. Which even goes to prove how much more musically talented ONE participant in Rockstar is over all the winners on Idol combined.
Anyways, before this starts to sound like a paid advert.... I was enjoying the show and determined to keep myself "distant" from it. I didn't want to turn into an idiotic sounding fanboy who squeed about how so-and-so was really good and whats-her-face should get the boot. I was trying to keep it strictly about the enjoyment of the music, but then... the blonde guy did an impromptu acoustic version of "Mr. Brightside," accompanying himself with a solo guitar. It was truly an AWESOME performance, and I mean that down to the core definition of the word: it inspired awe. A one time stand out, I tried to assure myself, however the following week was all acoustic (inspired by blonde guy's stirring solo) and the same guy gave yet another jaw-dropping performance. He did the insufferable "Hit Me Baby One More Time" (not by his own choice) but gave it Nirvana-like passion. I couldn't believe someone had managed to make a Britney song sound so cool. And just like that, I had a favourite.
Now we come down to the entertaining portion of our programme. I was watching a post-"Hit Me Baby" episode with a girl I know, so at this point Marty (the blonde guy... yes, I had learned his NAME!) is my definitive fave. This particular episode featured the contestants performing songs they had written themselves and Marty's was quite good...
My friend: Well, that was interesting. I only liked two of
the original songs.
Me: Yeah, me too. Marty's was great.
My friend: Who?
Me: Marty. The blonde guy. He went on last. His was "Trees."
My friend: Right, right. Yeah, his was one of the ones I
liked.
Me: Marty's really good. If he doesn't win I'ma gonna be
pissed.
My friend: What's with you? Why do you care?
Me: He's just... the best one is all.
My friend:.....
My friend: Oh my god.
Me: What?
My friend: Oh. My. God.
Me: WHAT?
My friend: You're GAY for Marty!
Me: What? No...!
My friend: You SO are. You want to be his groupie and fuck
him! You want to have, like, ten thousand of his gay babies!
Me: First of all, how would that be humanly possible?
Secondly...
My friend: Quit skirting the subject!
Me: Okay, fine, if I HAD to fuck somebody and it had to be a guy...
My friend: I
KNEW IT!
Later on that evening...
My friend: What was that?
Me: ......
Me: Nothing.
My friend: You weren't.... you weren't just singing "Trees"
under your breath, were you?
Me: .... no.
My friend: Oh my god, you WERE!
Me: Shut up!
My friend: You are SO gay for Marty....
Me: SHUT UP!
Well, I thought it was funny, anyways.
Rockstar will be having it's finale this week.... go
Marty!
William (up in the trees...)
