Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
:: Today's soundtrack: The Cramps "Surfin' Dead" ::
Okay, let's hash about zombies.
There seem to be three different types of zombies: the Romero slow lumbering and constantly hungry for human flesh type (Night of the Living Dead, et al, Resident Evil), the some what self-aware but some what retarded, speaking, yet violent sort (Return of the Living Dead, Cemetery Man, Pet Cemetery), and the newly spawned, quick moving, able to fight and more likely to use a weapon and yet don't speak kinds (28 Days Later, Dawn of the Dead 2004).
If you run into a zombie in the wild, it's best to determine as quickly as possible which of these three sorts it is, especially if you have no weapon. The Romero Night of the Living Dead type are very slow and not too big of a threat if you run into just one. Basically, run like hell and you should be fine. If you should run across one of the Return of the Living Dead breed, you'll need to be more sneaky. Running like hell is also good, but you will need to be elusive and cover your tracks, as these ones are more clever and will attempt to track you down. They can also speak, which is most disconcerting, as you may not realize at first that it is a zombie if it is newly dead and not yet decomposing. A 28 Days Later zombie is the wiliest of all. You're pretty much screwed. Sorry. Look out for the sharp, twitchy movements on those ones and be sure to keep your distance if they start to projectile vomit. They also may or may not know martial arts, so watch out for that. That's about all the advice I can give on that bunch.
Now that you have successfully evaded your zombie, you now know that there is a plague of zombies going about, and will need to take cover. If you have a group of people with you, you will need to find a structure to take shelter in. A sturdy, medium size building for a fairly small group is ideal. A structure composed of brick or concrete is best, as you cannot be burned or smoked out, and the don't have to worry about a frail wall being compromised. Minimal points of ground entry is also to be considered as well as windows which should be small and high off the ground. Most of the ground floor windows should be barricaded. (There's a house down the street from me that has a high staircase leading to the front door and the basement walls go to about four feet off the ground, which makes the base of the first floor windows roughly 8 feet off the ground. Something like that would be good) A second floor with many windows is nice, or a flat roof with roof access would work, because this would allow you to survey the situation around you and also if you've managed to acquire any sort of long range weaponry, start picking off a few zombies from a safe distance. If you can find one, a hidden underground tunnel that goes on for miles would be a good feature, in case of emergency.
So, you've identified your hostile zombie, managed to get away, located a safe house, and secured you and your party inside. Now all you need to do is stay tuned to the news and all you have to worry about is supplies. This is why man invented Spaghetti-Os.
